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Gov. Cuomo Declares Chicken Wings are Not 'Substantive' Enough to Qualify as Food That Will Keep Bars Open. Where Does This Madness End?

Reason - New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has a lot on his plate. He's governing a state of more than 19 million people. He's trying to contain a COVID-19 outbreak. He's classifying which foods are substantial enough for a meal.

The Democratic governor insists the three are related. As the state emerges from coronavirus-related closures, which decimated many a business, Cuomo is enacting new regulations on what bars must serve if they want to be open after months of being shuttered.

It can't just be alcohol, and it can't just be finger food. "To be a bar, you had to have food available—soups, sandwiches, etc.," he said in a press conference yesterday. "More than just hors d'oeuvres, chicken wings, you had to have some substantive food. The lowest level of substantive food were sandwiches."

I'm hesitant to pull this thread because we've got enough political talk around here and a lot of raw nerves everywhere. But there are times when you can no longer compartmentalize. When the political realm bleeds over into the lives of real people and all liberty-loving people must speak up. Otherwise, we stop becoming citizens and start becoming subjects. 

Hey Andrew Cuomo, just a reminder: You serve at the consent of the governed. If you and the rest of the ruling class in New York want to issue guidelines about social distancing and mask requirements and how best to hold a kinky sex party, go right ahead, if it makes you feel important. I truly believe that in general, people want to do the right thing, live by the rules and not make trouble. Something you witness first hand every time you set foot in a supermarket, a retail store or a gym. 

But know thee this: There is only so far you can push us. You are the servant, not us. It's God, Family, Country and you don't even rate. There's a fine line between being an elected official and a tyrant. And once you start dictating to us where delicious, comforting, substantial and satisfying chicken wings stand on your list of approved foods, prepare for the revolution. 

Nobody elected anybody in order to pass judgment on the noble chicken wing. That's not making laws under a democratic process. That is royal edict, and you have no right. Seriously, show me in the New York constitution where it says chicken wings don't qualify as "substantive" enough of a food to be worthy of having with booze. What, does it have to have a side? If I get fries or coleslaw with them, does that count? Why? How can you justify that as anything other than oppressive, Nanny State meddling in the social contract between the fine Americans who provide us with bars and the free Americans who like to keep them in business? 

Fuck all, chicken wings aren't a meal. Says you, Cuomo. Who among us hasn't been completely satisfied by a plate of wings on a night out? Anyone among us could have nothing more  along with a few drinks and call it dinner. Hell, you could eat nothing but for any entire day. Plain for breakfast, maybe with a dipping sauce. Chinese wings for lunch. Buffalo for dinner. And Honey BBQ for a nice desert.

It's wrong. Wrong I say. If I was in New York (and I practically am since I'm stuck here living under the draconian rule of Massachutopia), I'd King George III these despots, like we did in Boston 250 years ago. There'd be crates of his precious "lowest level" sandwiches floating in New York harbor by sunrise. Rise up, people. Chicken wings are a cause worth fighting for.