A provocative fart? I can't say I'm familiar but you can certainly consider my interest piqued. With everything that's going on in the world, I've seemingly lost track of all the new things popping up, so please forgive me.
Sidenote before reading - boy I really hope there's a way to alter the moods of my farts to make them 'provocative' or 'angry'.
A man in Vienna has been fined €500 (£447) for breaking wind loudly in front of police in a move the Austrian capital’s police force was at pains to defend.
the offender was fined for offending public decency.
I don't know what it is but there is a part of me that just thinks this whole thing is some sort of big joke. Someone was seriously fined €500 for a lil' ole toot? Just a classic passing of wind? That seems a bit excessive, no? Then again, rules are rules. Can't be having fart maniacs running amuck in times like these so you simply have to get ahead of it and fine the everloving shit out of them. I'm spending too much time trying to imagine the conversation between this serial farter and his family regarding said fine.
"So, yeah, basically I just need to pay €500. I got fined for offending public decency"
"What'd you do?"
"Yes. In and/or around a police officer's general vicinity"
If we're being 100% honest with each other, this fart doesn't really seem malicious at all. It seems like much more of an accident than anything. After all, he probably just let one slip in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Could've happened to anyone at any time in any place.
City police wrote on Twitter that “of course no one is reported for accidentally letting one go”.
They added that the man had behaved provocatively and uncooperatively during an encounter with officers that preceded the incident.
He got up from a park bench, looked at officers and “let go a massive intestinal wind apparently with full intent”, they said.
Oh heavens no.
Hand up. Egg on my face. I was incredibly wrong about this man and his intentions. Not only are we talking about a malicious fart, but we're also perhaps talking about the most malicious far. Perhaps in human history. To stand up, stare the officers - the very same officers you've been squabbling with all day, no less - in the face, and let a massive fart rip is one of the wildest moves I've ever heard of.
In fact, it was so wildly absurd the police had no choice but to fine him. You can't be getting disrespected to that magnitude. Maybe - and I mean maybe - they could bite their tounges and allow something along the lines a cheeky lil toot in passing slip by but not this. Never this. It's kind of funny to think that this is the straw that broke the camels back, NOT the alleged behavior beforehand which ultimately was the reason behind the fine. One fart too many, I suppose.
unless you're willing to cause utter pandemonium in the streets
Really the only question left to ask is… was it worth it? Was this one moment of defiance - that everyone who will ever have a conversation with this guy will surely hear about - worth the hassle of being fined, having to deal with the proceedings of it all, etc? Even this guy would probably tell you that no, it isn't. Only because of all the extra bullshit that he's gonna have to go through well past the fart. It's just too much for anyone to want to do.
While there is a part of me that resonates with the police here, no one wants to be on the receiving end of a fart to the face. I can't help but feel like a €500 fine for a "provocative" fart is a bit much. I agree that no one should be having wild farting demonstrations like this man but they could've easily just let him walk away with nothing. After all, it's only a fart. Everyone farts.
PS - Sidenote post-reading - very upset there is no way to alter fart moods.