In Defense Of Lacrosse Players...

Brianna Chickenfry is now a colleague of mine. Nice to meet you, Brianna. I'm Jordie and I'm the head lax guy here at Barstool Sports [dot] com. I'm here to tell you today about why I don't suck. 

Now let me start off by saying that at no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. In fact, it seems like you spent the entire video talking about how dope lacrosse players are while saying the only reason to date a football player is because they want to cuddle and dap up randos in the conservatory. What the hell is a conservatory anyway? That point is completely erroneous because obviously lacrosse players aren't going to be able to dap people up in the conservatory if they don't even know what a conservatory is. You can't punish lacrosse players for something they didn't even know existed. 

So football players apparently know what a conservatory is and they like to cuddle. Meanwhile, you yourself admitted yourself that lacrosse players fucking rock. You said half your friends are lax players because they're fun to party. "Raging alcoholics" might be a little too harsh because everybody knows you can't be an alcoholic if you're still able to wake up for a 5:30 lift the next morning. You might have accidentally mixed your C4 with a little leftover vodka but you're still there anyway. Plus that hair of the dog is going to keep you from puking after each set in the squat rack. So lax players are fun to party with and they are confirmed not raging alcoholics. If you take a look at the scoreboard, that already puts lacrosse players above "cuddling and conservatory daps". 

Now as far as the whole "lacrosse players have to schedule their classes so they're all together" claim goes, that's just for the benefit of the professors. Think about how many times they have to miss class to travel for a game. Instead of having multiple classes throughout the day screwed up because the lax players are gone from campus, they just have to work around one. And packing lips in the back of the class instead of distracting the professor in the front with the smell of Cope wintergreen? Lacrosse players are considerate as heck for that. 

And as for not being friends with people outside of the lacrosse team, that's just because of the hateful stereotypes like this one. Lacrosse players would love to be friends with everybody on campus but everybody on campus who doesn't play lacrosse just blindly assumes that "99% of the lacrosse playing population is TRASH". Tough to be friends with people who already hate your guts just because you've got sick flow, sting corners and crush beers. Imagine living a life where you wouldn't want to be friends with someone with sick flow, stings corners and crushes beers. This hurtful and hateful stereotype has robbed countless amounts of people from having the raddest friends they'd ever have in their life, just because of some outdated mindset. 

The fact of the matter is that nobody actually hates lacrosse players. You just think you're supposed to hate lacrosse players so you never give them or the sport a chance. We're treated like the Nickelback of the athletics world. And that's alright. Because regardless of all the haters out there, lacrosse is still the sport of the future. And one day the future is going to be here and the rest of you are going to be stuck standing there on the wrong side of history. But at least you'll be able to dap people up in the conservatory.