How about this?
Ah, what a difference two months can make.
Mr. Kraft, the toast of New York after he helped in their hour of greatest need, personally buying 300,000 Covid-19 masks in China, flying them back to New England and then shipping them to a city in crisis. All for no other reason than to do mitzvah. To rise above petty rivalry and regional animosity. Just a philanthropist doing his best to help because from whom much is given, much is expected and all that. And he was celebrated for the gesture. Begged by people to come rescue that city's once-proud baseball franchise. Hailed as a savior. At least for a while.
The man who his friends call "RKK" (such as myself) went on "Hannity" and spoke optimistically about the NFL season being able to go off as scheduled. You might think that an influential NFL owner and the man responsible for some of the most selfless acts of charity of this entire crisis striking a hopeful tone would get the headlines that reflect the respect he's earned. And if you do think that, let me remind you this is 2020. The world is broken.
Charity? Hope? Optimism? Positivity? Pffff. Piss off, billionaire! Take your cautious optimism and your sunny idealism, spirit of togetherness and rosy cheerfulness and shove them all the way up your philanthropic butt. The major news outlets don't have time for you and your perky, can-do attitude, rich boy. What have you done for us lately, hmm? The only proper response to your bright outlook is a snarky reminder about the time you got charged with a misdemeanor offense involving a consenting 58-year-old masseuse. Remember that? Huh? Now THAT was newsworthy. You think we forgot about all those press conferences from people running for office talking about human trafficking and kidnapped girls they never bothered to talk about again? What do you think that was? Political grandstanding? Phony posturing? Career opportunism? Get outta here with that.
So this is where we are at now. The country is so fractured that one of the most generous people in this whole pandemic can't go on the talk show of a guy who supports Trump - who, in turn, supported him during and after the time his wife was losing her battle with cancer - promoting cautious positivity without getting snark. Worse yet, identically worded snark from several different news outlets. Because not only is America fractured beyond all repair, journalism is dead.
Good joke though. Way to take the painfully obvious, low-hanging fruit, you fucking hacks.