A 68-year-old Chinese man has had a chopstick lodged in his belly after sticking it into his rear 'out of curiosity'.
As the old saying goes; curiosity killed
the cat a man's entire digestive system because he stuck a chopstick in his butt. Maybe I'm a little off on that one but it seems right.
The elderly resident, who remains anonymous, claimed that he was interested in checking his backside after developing piles.
Doctors made the shocking discovery during an X-ray scan after the man had gone a hospital for severe abdominal pain.
Now I don't know about you guys but I can actually relate to our curious friend here. No. It is NOT because I go around proding my asshole with random kitchen utensils. It's more so the self-diagnosis aspect, we've all been there. For example, just the other day I woke up and couldn't see out of one eye. I instantly thought I had detached my cornea only to find that one of my contacts fell out because I accidentally fell asleep with them in my eyes.
I get it. It is what it is, moving on. He just wanted to check in on his hemorrhoids (after a quick google search, I've learned what hemorrhoid actually is. Never really knew until moments ago). After all, what the worst that can happen? A chopstick gets stuck up your ass? Yeah right.
One could argue that his methods are insane and unusual. To that I say, what is he to do? How could he ever know the status of his hemorrhoids without sticking a rather large chopstick up his ass? It's not like they have trained professionals who deal with these sorts of things.
The patient has been discharged from the hospital after medics removed the metal stick from the pensioner's intestines.
Oh that's right, the world has doctors who are literally trained to deal with this specific problem. Who knows, he probably just wanted to avoid going to the doctors on a count of being an old man in the middle of a global pandemic that almost exclusively kills the elderly. At the end of the day, I don't think anyone would want to be caught in the middle of a coronavirus and hemorrhoid sandwich. I know I certainly wouldn't want hemorrhoids attacking me from behind as coronavirus rips my lungs to shreds. It doesn't seem enjoyable in the slightest bit.
The only thing about this ordeal that leaves me with questions is the actual displacement of the chopstick. How does a chopstick (approx. 10 inches) just slip on in there? I'm by no means an expert when it comes to the human anus but I don't think your butthole just slurps up anything you put in it as if it were a fat kid eating spaghetti.
I guess the valuable lesson here is that there's no need to play hero ball when it comes to your body. Just go get that shit checked out, otherwise, you might just find yourself with a 10-inch chopstick lost in your butthole too.
PS - All I could think about while writing this was Ryan Dunn and the toy car stunt from Jackass. RIP.