This was very tough to decide on what story to begin, so let's just pick up where our friend Dante left off on this infamous Doja Cat tweet. On May 6th, 12:56 AM EST time, Doja Cat promised she would show us her boobs "really hard" if we helped her get her remix to, 'Say So' to #1 on The billboard chart. It's safe to say Doja Cat summoned the Batman signal to all the horny Twitter users (guilty) as 5 days later, 'Say So' hit #1!
I have to be honest, I'm just now realizing this is Doja Cat's song. I hear this song all the damn time on Tik Tok and thought some Urban pop band made this. Anyways, while this was exciting news for her and her family, this was even better news for the world as we were about to receive the gift of a lifetime! Not too long after this news broke, Doja Cat got on Instagram live, faced the camera in front of her, and completely played us.
This was pretty much everyone's reaction. How could someone do something so evil to us, nonetheless, during these difficult times that we're facing? Us humans are doing as much as we can to help one another, that we are sometimes putting ourselves at risk. Doja Cat wanted her song to be #1, and we as a universe, helped her achieve this milestone. We didn't ask for anything back! She insisted she would show us her boobs "really hard" as a token of appreciation! While she lost the support of myself and many others, she still has the Tik Tok community that is rapidly growing each day, so she should be fine. Even though she didn't show her boobs really hard, she did make out with her camera if you happen to be into that kind of stuff.
If I knew she was going to do this after going #1, I would've just bought Pornhub Premium and call it a night.
But HOLD that CVV number folks! Just as our hopes of seeing something exciting began to fade away, the greatest model of our generation, Sommer Ray, tweeted out that she was going to start an Only Fans account!
LET'S GOOO! In a world where nobody knows what's going to happen next and need to be cheered up, Sommer Ray stepped up to the plate after Doja Cat struck out! There's absolutely no way she teases us too, right!?
Strike 2. No Sports, no nudes, what a bad time to be a male, am I right fellas? Doja Cat teased us, Sommer Ray teased us, there's nothing else that can possibly make Monday, May 11th, the worst Monday of all time, right? WRONG! The greatest fast food restaurant in the world, Steak 'n Shake, closed over 50 locations!
Strike 3. Yep, this is the worst Monday in the history of Mondays. I even wrote about how the first thing I'm going to eat when I come back to Indy is Steak 'n Shake a month ago! Now I fear there won't be any left when that comes around. What an unfortunate week, and it's only Tuesday. Everyone keep your head up.