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Idk if This Smoke Breaks Her Neck, But That's Definitely The Worst Spot In The History Of Spotting Things

I love the guy in the background calling hospital like he's JR Smith calling game at the local YMCA. Like he showed up to see a broken neck and he fuckin got it. That has to be an exhilarating feeling from a fan perspective. When asked if he could hold the camera obviously his knee jerk was to cringe. No he doesn't want to hold the camera. No decent guy wants to be responsible and hold the camera and take the selfies and be in charge of good lighting vs. bad lighting. We don't care. That's a you thing. That's your job. 

We begrudgingly hold the camera anyways

wait hold it vertical because I don't want to jump out of frame on my back flip 

That's the part that kills me about holding the camera. Yes I'll do it but don't give me instructions in the process. When you say yes to holding the camera you say yes to being bossed around like a little bitch and that's the worst. 

Okay now do 15 more without the flash

Even worse for this guy is he's giving me big time Neighbor vibes. As if he was sitting on the back porch of a modest townhome in suburban Toledo, enjoying the social acceptance that now adjoins his habitual solidarity. It feels good to finally be normal he says, out-loud to himself, twisting open another hard root beer as Train's Greatest Hits softly plays from an Amazon Echo that's seen better days. Beside him a propane grill heats at medium capacity, preparing for another round of store-brand hot dogs for a table of one. Maybe not your dream world but our guy is happy, which is more than most can say. It's his peace and he's enjoying it. That is until the barely legal duo from next door comes knocking in the backyard for some help. 

Can you hold the camera for a sec? I'm jumping off this A/C unit and Becky is going to spot me. It's for Tik Tok so wait until I tell you to hit record. 

This is your moment. The girls that have been obnoxiously compromising your personal space throughout quarantine are now attempting a very dangerous stunt. One of that could even result in paralysis and thus end your personal suffering of listening to the same 30 second clip of music for 8 hours straight while they practice a dance routine for a modest following predominantly consisting of horny guys from the community college and local XSport. Their commitment to go viral grows with each day of quarantine. Your brain needs a rest. Of course you'll hold the camera


Elsewhere the Guinness Book of World Records receives countless recommendations over the intermediate future nominating Ironically Large Crewneck for Worst Spot Anyone Has Ever Seen.She's confirmed by the end of the week and now uses the recognition as an icebreaker on dating apps.

This is 2020 and it sucks.