How Long Is "Too Long" In A Public Restroom?

Before we get too deep into the subject matter, I just wanna say fuck all the people who shame using public restrooms. The people who say that using a public restroom is disgusting have clearly never been in the right circumstances. 

Do you think I wanted to go through the hassle of asking my boss - like I'm some sort of middle school dweeb - to go to the bathroom in the middle of my shift at American Eagle? In the back of the store where everyone can hear me taking an "obnoxiously loud" shit for 20 minutes? No. Not really considering that 90% of the staff were female (people say I get really nervous around girls, NOT TRUE. I talked to my mom just this morning.) but that's what eating Charley's cheesesteaks and Chick-Fil-A every shift will do to ya.

This is a circle of trust so I have no problem admitting to you guys that I used to just go sit in the bathroom with my pants up sometimes during my meal break at the mall just so no one saw me sitting alone in the food court. Plus it'd give me a chance to get ahead of the Charley's shit before I returned back to folding khakis until my hands were numb.

Enough about me, let's just get into it.


How long is too long to stay inside a store’s restroom? Apparently a few hours qualifies.

A man went into the bathroom at a West Walnut Street business about 9:30 a.m. Sunday, locked the door, and stayed.

And stayed.

And stayed. 

Police were called when an employee heard water running and the man had not come out almost two hours later.

Officers were able to make contact with the unidentified man and determined he was not in need of medical attention.

He was shown the exit — but not before being given a letter of no trespass, which prohibits him from returning to the store.

Apparently, two hours is a bit too long. Now I've never personally had to sit on a toilet for two whole hours but I can only imagine it's pretty relaxing for some people. A bit of a mini-vacation from your responsibilities. 

However, I do not think I could sit in a public restroom for that long, especially given the circumstances of today's world. I'd much rather just stay in the house all day and not have to risk taking a shit in public during these times. I mean, that kid was out licking toilet seats in public restrooms and he got coronavirus. Sure, the two may be completely unrelated but one slip of a buttcheek and coronavirus could be up your ass. Quite literally up your asshole. So maybe it's not the best idea to spend 1/12th of your day in some random store's bathroom.


On the other hand, where does this store get off? Handing this man a letter of no trespass... for using the bathroom. Sure, no one knows exactly what was going on in that restroom beside the perpetrator poopetrator (fucking nailed that one, Ethan). I get it may have been a little long but then again, who doesn't take their time from here to there. It's a delight to just sit on the toilet scrolling twitter for a small while. Nobody even asked him if he was ok, they just called the cops on him. A little much if you ask me. They could've just knocked and kicked the guy out if they were that suspicious of wrongdoings in the bathroom.

At the end of the day, two hours is aggressive but so is calling the police. I'd say the limit on time in a public restroom is 30 minutes, tops (pending unforeseen circumstances). If you need longer than that, you just need to plan your meal schedule better so that when you go out, you're not sitting in the bathroom the entire fucking time like some sort of animal.

Final answer - anything over 30 minutes is too much (pending unforeseen circumstances)