ABC – When Kristen Dickerson of Rosenberg, Texas, went into labor at 42 weeks pregnant in the middle of the night, her husband Troy Dickerson did everything a supportive husband should do and still had time to catch it all on a GoPro. What resulted is an agonizing nearly 10 minute video which depicts the two speeding 95 mph down the highway on June 28 towards a Houston hospital as Kristin Dickerson groans in pain.
Oh the majesty of childbirth! One minute you think you’re going to get a great home movie by GoPro’ing the entire labor. The next you’re trying not to die on the highway as your wife is about to projectile vagina vomit your son straight through the windshield. I don’t blame him for going 95mph one bit. I’d be going Ludicrous Speed if my wife was that close to dumping out a child inside my car. I get pissed enough when someone spills Coke on the floor of the shitty Saab. Can’t even fathom the thought of Oxy Cleaning placenta from the apolstry. Infomercial that upholstery, dead Billy Mays.
And I know it hurts but calm down a bit, Mommy. I once held in the post Chinese food runs while driving in the car with the ex’s mother from Philly to Cape May. If I lasted that long without blacking out or the Hoover Dam breaching on her leather interior, I’m sure you can pump the breaks with the death screams holding in that watermelon. For your husband’s sake.