Ari Gold Is The Best.

When I wrote the Eric Murphy blog the other day, I honestly had no idea of the response it would get. I did not know there were so many Entourage fans in this world. I guess it makes sense, the show fucking rules, I just hadn't put two and two together yet - math was never my strong suit. 

I had no idea what people had thought about Eric Murphy prior to reading all the comments on the blog. People were actually chirping saying things like:

"2012 called, they want their take back" 

I was twelve years old in 2012. So I apologize to anyone I may have offended with my take. I was just trying to see what the people had to say about the matter. I'm glad that most people actually agreed that E is the worst. Like I root for the guy because he's a part of the Entourage, but boy does he suuuuuuuuuck.

Even though I strongly dislike Eric Murphy, it killed me to write a negative blog about Entourage. I actually did a little power ranking of the best characters at the end of said blog. It wasn't meant to be too deep, it was just a quick little thing. Some people were left off not by choice but by me forgetting about them at that particular time (Llyod for example). None of it is etched in stone, it just happened to be based on the timeframe of episodes I was on at the time. However, there is one person who's spot is firm in those rankings...

Super agent Ari Gold is the best. Plain and simple.

A family man, an incredible agent, and probably the funniest character on the entire show. There is no one on the show who has more scenes that'll make you chuckle than Ari Gold. You show me a single person who dislikes the character of Ari Gold and I'll show you the dumbest human to walk the fucking planet. When Ari Gold is on the screen he has my full, undivided attention. I have to watch, I can't afford to miss an Ari Gold quote. For example, quotes such as:

Advertisement

"Tell Drama he's on the top of my list today, along with inserting needles into my cock"

"I don't care if Justin Bieber calls and wants me to negotiate the rights to his virginity, I don't want to talk to him"

"Noah can build an ark and save all of God's creatures in 40 days. [Haggis] can't shoot a movie in 65?"

and of course, my personal favorite:

Quotes like these make it nearly impossible to look away when he's on the screen. You don't want to risk missing a one-liner that'll borderline break your ribs. He just always manages to say something you don't expect. When I first heard that Carmen Electra line I literally didn't stop laughing for the rest of the day. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just me (again, no idea where entourage fans stand on anyone in the show, I haven't really talked to many people about it before my Eric Murphy blog) but there's something about a wise-ass agent with the most charisma of all time that really gets to me. He just always finds a way to make a joke. It doesn't matter if he's talking to Mrs. Ari or Lloyd, he's always cracking jokes.

Not only is he a fantastic character on the show but one of the best talent agents these eyes have ever seen. From the second he shows up in the pilot you can tell he's willing to do whatever it takes to get Vince to the top. He is constantly looking out for him and doing what he thinks will take Vince to the next level. However, a lot of the time Ari gets disregarded. Sure, there are some examples where not listening to Ari worked. Like when Vince decided to not listen to Ari and didn't take the role in Matterhorn. He ended up doing Queens Boulevard instead, which was probably far better for his career as his performance eventually got him the role of Aquaman. 

Ari is the only reason Vince even did Aquaman! Vinny and his sidekick E were ready to just not do it because Vince didn't want to be a superhero. Watching this show for the first time in 2019 and hearing that someone DIDN'T want to play a superhero was shocking to me. I guess superhero movies weren't as big back then but still, how many times can you have superpowers? Not often, folks. Not often. 

Had Vince not done Aquaman, his career would've been in the trash. The downfall of Vinny Chase actually coincides with when he doesn't listen to Ari or he somehow manages to undo the work Ari has done to put him in the best position to succeed (see: Aquaman 2). 

Ari only did wrong by Vince one time. That was with the Ramones movie. One could argue that it's Bob Ryan's fault for being such an insufferable human being but I digress. That led to Ari getting canned by Vince and that broke my heart. Ari then has to try and win Vince back with Medellin, the ticket to his heart, a movie Vince was chasing for almost two years. You can't blame Ari for Medellin, though. He had to use it to get Vince back. Simple as that. He even tried to tell E and Vince that the movie was dead after the plug was pulled on Yom Kippur, no less. I believe the direct quote was:

Advertisement

"Medellin has crabs, gonorrhea, syphilis. It is is an untreatable super germ. This project has been plagued since day 1, let it go." (Season 3B, Episode 6)

As you all know, Medellin bombs and destroys Vince's career - at least temporarily. That means Ari has to bust his ass to get Vince a fucking supporting role! Not even a lead! No one wanted to touch Vinny Chase! Ari Gold always believed and got him another job Smoke Jumpers. The movie is eventually shut down during filming because of a spat Vince had with the director. Sometimes I realize how much I kind of hate Vince, too. Like c'mon, Ari had to grind to get that role for Vince and he just throws it away. So what does super-agent Ari Gold do? Pulls a lead role in a Scorsese film out of his ass and saves the day.

At the end of the day, without Ari Gold plucking Vince out of a mentos commercial, this show never happens. So if you like the show, thank Ari Gold for giving us this gift. Imagine if someone like Amanda Daniels was Vince's agent for the duration of the show, it would've been terrible. Amanda Daniels sucked. Quite frankly, an agent that isn't Ari Gold sucks in my eyes. He makes the show for me and is pretty much the reason I love it so much.

Again, please feel free to let me know some of your Entourage takes. I just need someone to talk to about it :).

bonus power rankings of entourage seasons. (I don't hate any of them, these are just how I rank them)

1. Season 2 - love seeing the build-up/struggles leading to Aquaman

2. Season 3 - I'm just counting 3A and 3B together. Yes I know that's 20 episodes but they would've been my 2 and 3 anyways. To be honest the only thing that doesn't have this season at #1 for me is Dom.

3. Season 1 - Meeting the gang and doing Queens Boulevard is just a delight

4. Season 4 - Seeing all of the behind the scenes of the Medellin disaster was pretty solid television

5. Season 5 - Seasons 4 & 5 were a toss-up for me. This season is only lower because I think it's kind of bullshit that Vince magically got the lead role in a Scorsese film after barely being able to get a supporting role.

6. Season 7 - I don't know why but I oddly liked watching Vinny Chase go down a dark path. It showed his human side. 

7. Season 6 - All the storylines seem to be individual and none of them were really that appealing to me and the Ferrari Movie is a pretty forgettable arc for me. E also starts dating Ashley. She might be worse than Dom to be quite honest.

8. Season 8 - It's just all winding down, not a lot of movie star things going on. Sloan is pregnant so you have to watch E win her back again the entire time.

And of course, an Ari Gold highlight reel to end the blog.

Advertisement

I hope I never fall out of love with this show.