Eric Murphy Is The Worst.

Since this quarantine started, I have turned back to old reliable, Entourage. Like a baby needing milk from the teet of its mother, I need to suck on teet of Entourage in these odd times. 

I did the 'irresponsible' thing last night and stayed up until 6 AM watching Entourage. Am I proud of myself? No. Do I regret my decision? Absolutely not.

Entourage is a weird show. Not in the sense that the things that happen in the show are weird, it's more of a "why-am-I-so-captivated by-this" type of weird. When I say I am captivated by the show, I mean it. I literally cannot get enough. I watched it the entire show for the first time this summer and let me tell ya, I can't stop. I have it on constantly. I sit at my desk, on my computer with a tv running Entourage non-stop, all day. When I'm not surfing the web, I'm watching Entourage. I don't know what it is but something about four dudes just hanging, constantly making mountains out of molehills, and the highs/lows of a movie star is really appealing to me. 

With all the good though, comes the bad. Things like Vince going from not being able to get ANY lead roles after Medellín to somehow landing the lead role in a Scorsese film, for example. Plot holes like that don't bother me too much because at the end of the day you have to take the show for what it is. It's not gonna blow your cock off with detailed storylines or mind-boggling twists. No, it's fucking Entourage. You have to take it at face value. If you want something more complex then go watch fucking Westworld or something, nerd. 

All that being said, since I first watched this show, I have held onto a take. I'm not sure if it's popular or not because no one is actively talking about this show in the year 2020 (sadly).

Eric Murphy is the worst. As a manager and as a person. He might actually be the worst manager in the history of show business. One may argue:

"Ethan, it's not a real show, it's all fake"

I take Entourage very seriously. This is sacred talk and quite frankly, I won't have this slander. So if you're gonna sit here and get mad at me for my takes then please use the door. Carrying on...

That pizza dough twirling fuck Eric Murphy doesn't have a clue what he's doing as a manager. You'll be hard-pressed to find a time when he steered Vince in the right direction (season 7 drug addiction excluded). The amount of time Eric Murphy was a friend to Vince, rather than his agent is frankly disgusting. Vince nearly didn't do Aquaman because E was enabling him the entire time in regards to the Medellín movie. Imagine if Vinny Chase didn't do Aquaman? Medellín would've probably still been terrible, and it would've been curtains for Vince's movie career. He would've been back to slinging Mentos if he didn't do Aquaman. When he starts signing other clients is when it got bad. Thanks but I'd rather not watch this boring fuck try and give some bullshit 'heartfelt' speech to a new client. It just didn't appeal to me.

As a person, Eric Murphy sucks too. It's like someone is pissing in his cheerios every morning - he's just got this anger to him for no particular reason. He just walks around, talking very fast and acting tough. It's almost like he forgets he's 5'5" and would probably get squashed in real life. The only time you really see him "fight" in the show is with Billy Walsh at lunch in season 4 because Billy thinks he leaked the trailer for that pile of shit movie - Medellin.

Wow! Such a tough little guy! He just shoves Walsh with power we've never quite seen before.

Don't even get me started on Eric and Sloan. Not to sound like a high school girl but it's so extra. We get it, bro, you love her. No need to make everything about Sloan. Then he sits and mopes while they're separated and makes it all about him. It's almost like he makes a point to make everything as dramatic as possible. Good for him though that he was able to smooth things over with her at the end of the show/in the movie. Despite my dislike for him, I'm happy he's happy. If that makes sense.

The guy just…sucks. He sucks. There's nothing more to it. It was kind of funny when everyone just made fun of him for being a Sbarro manager -  a job my 16-year-old brother can probably get - trying to be the "manager" of his best friend. Then all of a sudden E started trying to be cool. To be completely honest, Eric Murphy (Entourage) might be the least cool person I've ever seen in my life. There's nothing cool about turning every little issue into some big ordeal.

This clip is actually one of my favorites from the show just because Vince finally puts E in his place. He gives him the business plain and simple. 

I get that hindsight is 20/20 but yeah, they should've listened to Ari. Sure, super-agent Ari Gold has been wrong a few times, who hasn't? Had they listened to Ari from the start, Vince would've probably never had the quick fall from grace following Medellin.

At the end of the day, you just have to say fuck it, who cares. You only have so many of Entourage episodes on this planet, might as well cherish them for what they are regardless of character preferences. I don't like Eric Murphy but I love Entourage. So technically I love Eric Murphy? I love to hate him? I'm not too sure about the logistics of it all.

Please feel free to let me know some of your Entourage takes. I feel like I missed out on talking about this show because I'm too young and didn't watch it until recently. Now all I find myself wanting to do is talk about the show that consumes so much of my life (hence the blog). Is that too much to ask?

bonus power ranking of main-mainish Entourage characters (Vince's camp, if you will)

1. Ari Gold - best agent this world has ever seen, fiction or non-fiction

2. Johnny Drama - never fails to make me laugh

3. Vince - Star of the show, takes care of literally everyone and anyone

4. Shauna - love a sassy publicist

5. Turtle - If it wasn't for my love of sassy publicists, he'd be #4

6. E - just kind of sucks, terrible manager. A couple good zingers

103. Dom - now this guy makes Eric Murphy look like the coolest, funniest guy on the planet.

god I can't wait until I can go outside again.