Not since Regional Chevrolet Manager Rik Wilde gave Madison Bumgarner the World Series MVP have I seen a more awkward fit:
And now listen I know we're not supposed to get political here on the blog, but I will NOT FUCKING TOLERATE anybody who reacts to this blog defending Trump and turning this into some liberal bashing party by criticizing the Democrats. For 2 reasons:
1) We are talking about a goddam microscopic disease that has one motivation and one motivation only - to fucking kill people. It does not know country borders. It does not have political affiliation. This has NOTHING to do with the 2 party system and people politicizing this are fucking idiots
2) We are talking about the MY PILLOW GUY standing in front of the White House delivering a speech during one of the most important, difficult, and scary times in human history. If you cant look at this Mr. Borrelli looking motherfucker with his combover flopping in the wind and his crumbled up piece of paper rustling in the microphone while he audibly sucks the Presidents dick with some good old fashioned lunatic religious babble and realize this is PATENTLY RIDICULOUS, then you need to look in the mirror and realize that you have become one of the overly politicized puppets who no longer can be trusted with your judgment. You can no longer be trusted to give a real, honest opinion. If you hear the MY PILLOW GUY delivering a White House speech and your first reaction isnt "Now hang on a minute, what the fuck is going on around here?" then just raise your hand and I'll have Tommy Boy here come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you're a RETARD. Excuse me, R*TARD.
Even Mike Francesa finally gave up on defending the current administration, which is when you know you should go ahead and have some impartiality too:
And listen dont mistake me clowning My Pillow Guy to mean that I think he's some nobody. My Pillow Guy is worth $300 million. Three. Hunnid. Million. I know that. He sells poor people shitty, poor people pillows that sound great and look great on TV and then when they get to your house they feel like someone stuffed a pillow case with packing peanuts. He's a hustlers hustler and hes amassed an INSANE amount of money in doing so. But that doesnt mean that we need to hear from him during an international crisis of life and death. Give it a few more days or weeks and the death toll in New York City will be higher than on 9/11/2001, alright? My city is in shambles, as are so many others across the country and throughout the world. I dont need to hear from My Pillow right now. I mean whats next? We gonna get the Sham Wow rapist up there too? I wish Billy Mays were still alive, maybe he could pop up there for a speech. Imagine that? Imagine him walking up to the White House podium, pausing to collect himself, clearing his throat as you hear the cameras of the press shutter and see the flash bulbs pop…and then…after a quick but deliberate pause…
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!
I mean what in the fuck is going on around here? Legit anybody with some money in their pocket who loves to suck Donald Trump and God's dick can get up on stage at the White House. At this point I feel like the televangelists might be a better option to rely upon to fight this disease.
Like I said, fighting this disease doesnt (let me rephrase because I'm not naive, shouldnt) have anything to do with politics and so I'm not gonna sit here and root against Donald Trump, hoping for him to fail, and if you lean left, you shouldnt either. Dont worry about the upcoming election, dont worry about party politics, dont worry about the arguments you've been making the last 4 years. Just worry about beating this disease and stopping people from dying and getting people back to work. Whoever can get that done, thats who has my support. The problem is I think I'm pretty positive its not gonna be the fucking My Pillow Guy that gets that job done. Just my two cents though. Maybe I can get up on that podium at the White House to say it too.
PS - I suppose I need to clarify this because everyone is doing exactly what I said not to do. Its awesome that hes making masks, and I will absolutely put my hand up that I should have included that in the blog. Hes making 50,000 masks per day, which is incredible. Although all I keep hearing about is how "XYZ thousand masks are being produced per day!" and yet nobody has any fucking masks. So, where are these masks? But thats another blog for another day.
The point here is we dont need the religious mumbo jumbo from an infomercial caricature talking about how God blessed our country in November of 2016 giving us Donald Trump and how we are getting God back in school and God this God that. All that wacky fuckin shit from a Pillow salesman can kick fucking rocks. Masks, great. Sucking the God's dick on TV at the White House, not so much. Lots of companies are switching manufacturing to help out. Dont see all of them at the White House podium blowing POTUS and Jesus.
PPS - I just learned hes not making n95s! Hes making the cloth masks - which are utterly useless, and..AND..hes getting paid to do it! Oh and Trump wants him to run for office. So I take back my original PS where I gave him any credit at all. This is all a front for some quid pro quo, you scratch my back I'll scratch yours while we promote God and the GOP. Boy, thats embarrassing. If you were out here defending the MyPillow guy, refer back to what I said earlier, you've lost all credibility and cannot be trusted with your judgment. But thats what you get for going to bat for a used car salesman. Of COURSE he's not some pandemic hero…hes makes shitty pillows! I would be mortified if I had spent the night defending MyPillow treating them like they were the Red Cross and then learned he was only making cloth masks and was planning on running for office. Heaven help us if the goddam MY PILLOW GUY is next in the world of politics.