President Trump Reportedly Called Up ARod To Get His Thoughts About The Coronavirus Response. Wait, What?

I don't know if it's the quarantine talking or just ARod's unbelievable glow up from the last few years, but I didn't even blink twice about reports of the President of the United States hitting up one of Big Cat's bosses to talk about the pandemic gripping our country. ARod is super popular right now and everyone knows the popular kids always had a better point of view of what was going on that the nerds and the normies didn't. Name one person in your life that has spent more time trying to get the American public on his side than Alexander Emanuel Rodriguez. You can't. Name one person in your life that had more at stake with weird drugs nobody knows about that may or may not make the human body stronger than Alexander Emanuel Rodriguez. You can't. And if you were going to challenge coronavirus to a trial by combat, which Trump may do because I don't know how else we are going to get out of this anytime soon, who else would you want representing you more than Centaur Arod?

If ARod could overcome the Court of American Public Opinion after like 100 blown second chances and end up with JLo on his arm at the end of the rainbow, that bitch boy covid doesn't stand a chance. Thank God that Donnie and Alex let bygones be bygones while the fate of the country is in their hands.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to sit back in self-isolation and await whatever random Onion story the real world is going to spit out tomorrow.