Bears > Tigers > Lions

Everyone is going nuts about Tiger Bandit and I'm excited to join you guys. I really am. Haven't dabbled yet because I like a good build up, but I've kept my ear to the ground and am familiar with its popularity and depiction of Tiger ownership, generally. 

With Tiger juices and boredom registering at career highs, I figure it's a good time to run this question back. And to be clear, this isn't about a fight. I ran that bird into the ground a few months back. The consensus is that the lion stands no chance against a Tiger. 

But does that make Lions inferior pets? 

Absolutely. Nobody got laid for having the 2nd toughest cat on the block. Mix in supply/demand and you could easily argue that Tigers > Lions when it comes to pet ownership. 

But what about a Grizzly Bear? 

Initially I want to immediately lean yes because GB's are made in America and I want to support American made bears. But also because I don't think a Tiger would ever be inclined to learn how to navigate an above ground swimming pool. 

Yes. That's a bear using a ladder to get into a pool. And yes this is a clean belly flop. 

This is a game changer come pool season. Knowing you can have a few friends over after quarantine to just horse around and have some laughs. Maybe get the charcoal grill going and give the bluetooth speaker a full charge for the afternoon. In the meantime Coach Ditka takes a few laps, maybe splashes the girls and does a few tricks. Everyone's having a good time with a Grizzly Bear. 

Now compare that to a territorial tiger or a malnourished lion bringing everyone's vibes down, being all pissed off and isolated. Fuck that. No disrespect to the common house cat but when you get a choice you go Bear #1. Imagine a 600 pound full grown Grizzly laying at your feet as the afternoon AFC West game on CBS seamlessly transitions to 60 Minutes and you don't realize because 60 Minutes doesn't have theme music. So now it's 6:18pm Central and you got Sunday Scaries coming down the barrel but not really because you have a majestic beast laying at your feet as you learn about the explosion of the Greek Yogurt industry in Idaho. The anxiety dwindles. You rub your Grizzlies back and feed him honey from a large jar. He purrs softly and flips over for belly rubs. A handmade fire cackles nearby. The warmth of the blaze is exceeded only slightly by the warmth of your best friend's touch. Coach Ditka places a single paw on your shoulder. He can't talk but you know he loves you. At this very moment your phone alarm goes off. 

The pizza is ready. 

A perfectly crisp home run inn cheese pizza comes out of the oven. Dinner is served and it's delicious. And even though it's the best part, you give Coach Ditka all the crust because you love him. 

And he loves you right back. 

Final Verdict: 

1. Bears

2. Tigers

3. Lions.