THE WORLD IS CHANGING: Universal Pictures Is Making Newly Released Movies In The Theaters Available On Demand At Home Starting This Week
CNN- With the coronavirus disrupting the global theater marketplace, Universal Pictures is making some of its current film releases available on demand starting this week, the studio announced Monday. The Comcast-owned studio and its specialty label Focus Features will make films such as "The Invisible Man," "The Hunt" and "Emma," all of which are currently playing in theaters, available to rent on demand services such as Comcast, Sky, Apple and Amazon on Friday. Consumers will be able to rent the films for $19.99 per film for 48 hours. Universal said in a statement that it made its movies available in the home now because of the "current circumstances," which have "made it more challenging to view our films."
"Given the rapidly evolving and unprecedented changes to consumers' daily lives during this difficult time, the company felt that now was the right time to provide this option in the home as well as in theaters," the studio said in a statement on Monday. "NBCUniversal will continue to evaluate the environment as conditions evolve and will determine the best distribution strategy in each market when the current unique situation changes."
I hate to give bitch boy covid any credit for being the agent of change for something good, but this is fucking awesome. I know some people like going to movie theaters because there is something special about experiencing a flick surrounded by a bunch of people on a giant movie screen. But there is also something special about being able to watch a newly released movie in your pajamas, being able to pause the movie whenever you have to take a piss, and not having to smuggle in food like your in the clink or spend a shit ton of money on some old movie theater food. My libido died a few years after I said "I Do" and she started saying "I Don't Wanna". But if kids are still going to the movie theaters to hook up, wedging your hands, bodies, and any fluids that may come from that in the comfort of your own home and couch beats the hell out of an old foldable movie theater chair that may have had a bum in it mere hours ago. Do people even do hand stuff anymore or is that a relic of the past now that kids are growing up in the age of internet porn and whatever the new Snapchat is? You know what, it's not important.
Moving along, Feitelberg actually knew something like this could be coming and blogged it the other day.
Some people gave Feits shit for saying $100 was a lot to spend on a movie. But if you account that most people go to the movies with friends or family, $100 could end up being a steal simply in how much you pay in tickets let alone food, and whatever other nonsense like parking you have to pay just to get to the theater and it costs a hell of a lot less than what Phil Hughes and other rich people paid to watch new releases at home.
Nothing has ever made me feel poorer than reading Phil's casual breakdown of the process of paying to watch new movies without leaving his house. Hey, at least there's no membership fees!
Which is why my jaw dropped when I saw Universal is charging $20. I feel like we are actually stealing from the theaters with that price and nobody loves stealing from Hollywood more than the American public. I bet there are theaters in Manhattan that charge 20 bucks just for the privilege to sit in a 30-year-old seat and stare at a screen as your feet stick to the floor for two hours. I don't know a goddamn thing about "The Invisible Man", "The Hunt", or "Emma". But I know I haven't seen them before and neither have the people that have been losing their fucking minds and begging the internet for suggestions of new movies to watch after they burned through all their unwatched Netflix shows and finished The Office for the 57,316th time. Now you can get a fresh movie straight from the theater to your house without having to go in public and potentially run into Big Roni.
I can't forget the biggest winners in all this as quarantine: The parents that have kids running WILD in their house now that schools are closed and they have somehow watched every decent movie Disney+ has to offer. Getting the whole squad to the theater and not wanting to drive the car off a cliff on the way home like the O'Doyles is a minor miracle. However, that will not be necessary now that the new Trolls is coming straight to your home in less than a month.
DreamWorks Animation's "Trolls World Tour" will be also on demand starting on April 10, the same day it's set to be released in North American theaters.
If you don't think I'm leaning on Polly and Branch to watch my kids for me starting on April 10th, you are out of your mind. Do I care if my own flesh and blood call two trolls Mom and Dad for the rest of their life? Fuuuuuuck no. Because as long as they aren't calling for me or fighting each other, this is a massive W.
P.S. We should thank God that we were all able to watch Endgame in theaters together because the hammer scene and portals scene were the two coolest moments I've ever experienced in my life. Not just in a theater but on this planet.
Goosebump City