The NFL Tells The Coronavirus To Go Fuck Itself And Announces That It Will Allow Teams To Start Negotiating With Free Agents Tomorrow At Noon

Never in my life have I been happier that the NFL is a ruthless vato of a league that bends the knee for no man, law, or disease. Covid, tell me how Goodell's ass tastes! All of us #SPORTS fans have been slowly losing our minds over the last few days without any games on TV. But being able to escape the bullshit of life and constant kicks in the dick on the news by getting obsessed over which players our NFL teams will sign that will definitely make them a Super Bowl contender next season is a legitimate rainbow in the midst of the Category 5 hurricane going on right now. Nothing bonds the internet more than laughing at the contract a team overpaid some bum player or 31 fanbases getting fuuuuurious at their GM that that their team didn't sign some player that just went for half what people thought he would go for. 

Now our pitch black sports world gets a ray of light thanks to what will likely be exclusively phone calls and web conferencing negotiations between agents and teams so nobody gets the bug. How glorious is that? And trust me, us Giants fans have more that can go wrong with technology being used so much during this free agency period considering the Giants have a shitload of cap room and a GM that uses a Wii controller to watch game film.

I don't know what the hell is going to happen from noon until Wednesday. But I'm hoping those four new computer folks Gettleman hired are ready to work 24/7 to put out figurative and literal fires their boss starts with his devices (I also may light my computer and phone on fire depending on what happens with Leonard Williams because I can't take negative nancy Giants Twitter talking about that trade anymore).