God fucking dammit. I know Giants fans and reporters get excited when Dave Gettleman stand behind a microphone because they can get some clarity to some of the mind bottling moves he pulled over the last few months and then mock him on Twitter with all the other people frustrated by this franchise that's been sinking like a stone over the last few years. I can live with the moves getting mocked because everyone thinks they are smarter than their team's GM in any sport, especially when the guy becomes an internet punchline like Gettleman did. Granted some of the moves he was mocked for were letting Josh Norman and Landon Collins sign big contracts with Daniel Snyder that Panthers and Giants fans are probably not all that upset about right now. Plus the GM that Gettleman traded Odell Beckham and Olivier Vernon to for a bunch of young and cheap assets just got fired today. But I hate Gettleman press conference days because it always leads to a couple of quotes that cause fans of other teams to point and laugh at our team.
Today's gem was Gettleman talking about the Giants hiring four "Computer folks" to help set up software or some shit to modernize the draft process. Not "Software experts", "IT Guys" or even "The Geek Squad". But motherfucking "computer folks", which is about as boomer as it gets and has me thinking Dave Gettleman didn't hire any "Computer folks" but instead hired four guys that he found at Best Buy (because of course Dave Gettleman would still shop at Best Buy) and hired them to do "Computer things". Those guys then did what anyone would do in a situation like that and started typing like a movie character
Opened a gif from The Matrix
then cashed the fuck out of John Mara's check. When the scouting department tries to open its new analytical files after the new year, they will get a word document titled www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Then again, we already knew Dave Gettleman breaks down game film with a Wii controller, so what's the harm in four "Computer folks" robbing him and his franchise blind?
Don't worry though, because not only did Gettleman hire those "Computer Folks" but he met with a "Big analytics guy".
I can already see the memes that #NFLTwitter will be coming up with as Gettleman breaks every unwritten rule of new age NFL team building.
Speaking of building a team, we finally got some clarity to why Gettleman traded picks for Leonard Williams despite him being an underperforming player that was months away from free agency and only costing money for the Giants to acquire.
I really have nothing more to add about the Leonard Williams trade that Jets fans haven't already said every Sunday over the last two months whenever Williams comes close to but doesn't hit the quarterback. I was also all ready to spinzone all that noise saying that Williams' hurries will become sacks once Chase Young requires a shitload of attention off the edge, but it appears the Giants played themselves out of that spinzone and instead will have to be blocking Young from killing Daniel Jones for the next 10+ years.
Final Gettleman Press Conference Grade: 4 John Mara Chair Throws
To be honest that isn't all that bad until you realize that Gettleman really didn't say all that much over 30 full minutes and my Giants soul has been bled of most of its joy. Here's to not hearing that man say another word for as long as we all live and Matt Rhule or some other head coach saves us from the unholy alliance of Dave Gettleman and a microphone.