While We Currently Cannot Watch Any Sports, I Found A Way To Watch All The Sports At Once

You know how when you're hungry absolutely anything taste good? This is like that. I'm starving for sports. Any of them. Had hockey been as tough as its fans claim it to be I'd watch that right now with everything else off. But alas, we're left with nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Which means it's time for ESPN Ocho echelon sports to wet the beak. If they can't flourish now during these dark times of depravity then they never stood a chance. But one I could see blossoming into a collegiate staple is All Ball. 

I don't think this game has any semblance of defense, which is a good start. The toughest sell to get people to watch your sport is defense. NFL had defense, got that the fuck out of the sport and now it's a titan. Baseball introduced steroids and became as popular as it was before World Wars were a thing. Considering you can score in All Ball via jumpshot, throwing it into the net, kicking it into the net, or throwing a touchdown my brain is beginning to hurt even considering what kind of defense I'd scheme up to stop my opponent. Initial gut reaction is that the Houston Rockets would fucking dominate this. 

One thing I couldn't figure out by watching that sizzle reel is how the fuck this shit is scored. At one point they flash to the scoreboard and it's 152-138 or something chaotic like that. But watching the game play there were fastbreak layups as well as kicks into an empty net, so I couldn't tell if those were for style points or actually made a difference in terms of helping secure a W. Scoring goes as follows, as per ALLBALL's official website:

1. 2-point plays are any ball that is headed, shot, or thrown into the basket from inside the outside the Trap. A shot may not be kicked in the goal or basket from inside the 3-point zone.
2. 3-point plays are any ball that is kicked, headed, shot, or thrown into the A-Goal or shot into the basket from outside the 3-point zone and inside the midline.
3. 4-point plays are any ball that is kicked, headed, shot, or thrown into the A-Goal or shot into the basket from outside the 4-point zone and inside the midline
4. 5-point plays are any ball that is kicked, headed, shot, or thrown into the A-Goal or shot into the basket from beyond the midline and inside the 6-point zone. Also, End Zone Plays from behind the midline.
5. 6-point plays are any ball that is kicked, headed, shot, or thrown into the A-Goal or shot into the basket from beyond the midline and outside the opposite 3-point zone. Also, End Zone Plays from behind the 6 line.
6. 8-point plays are any ball that is kicked, headed, shot, or thrown into the A-Goal or shot into the basket from inside the opposite 3-point zone. Also, End Zone Plays from this area.
7. 10-point plays are any ball that is kicked, headed, shot, or thrown into the A-Goal or shot into the basket from the opposite End Zone. Also, End Zone Plays from this area.
8. If a player knocks the ball into their own goal or basket, it will be scored as a 2-point shot and credited to the last opposing player to touch the ball.

I'm not sure reading any of that even cleared much up for me other than the fact that my initial point of "defense is trash" remains true. They don't seem to care for it and I respect that decision. This also looks like it was spawned out of Grand Canyon University, which makes a ton of sense. They're so bored of regular sports they turned them into fucking raves.

I don't know if this sport has any longterm watchability appeal but I do know I'd like to play it. The second we're allowed to breathe near one another again I'm in there.