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Break Out The Purell, We Got Coronavirus Porn!

Are you a germaphobe? Do you love porn? 

Boy, do I have some good news for you.

There's lots of news out there about people stocking up on handsoap, surgical masks, and travel-size hand sanitizer. It's almost as if the media has saturated us with nothing but news about a deadly global pandemic that might make the movie "28 Days Later" look like Sesame Street.

So how is a germaphobic prepper to explore the exciting world of kink in such an environment?

If we're all going to die of the second coming of the bubonic plague, there is no time like the present, to try all the hot fetishes you've toyed around with, and maybe some that you've never even thought about. 

And boy do I have a new type of kink for you to get off to. A new genre if you will. 

Coronavirus role play.

Ohhh you heard me correctly. 

Picture this. The scene starts with eery music set on top of an aerial shot over the deserted city of Wuhan then cuts to a quarantine facility. You hear beeping and hissing in the backdrop from the respirator machines of patients with advanced stages of pneumonia and the camera pans in on one comely female patient with a sheer, backless gown. Then through the door, very slowly, you see her doctor come in the room, donning a full hazmat suit. Her eyes are wanting. He's keeping his distance. You then start to hear his heartbeat pulse faster, his breath starts to pick up the pace... Then the beat drops. Bow chicka wow wow.

Tell me... What is more erotic than hot, sweaty sex between a Coronavirus patient and her doctor in a Hazmat suit? Nothing. The answer is NOTHING. 

Now you can do a lot more than just imagine.

According to Vice, right now a search for coronavirus on Pornhub returns 112 videos with titles like "MILF In Coronavirus Quarantine Gets Hard Fucked for Medicine" and "Coronavirus patients fuck in quarantine room." 

One porn site spokesperson told Vice

"COVID-19 is something that brings fear and mystery to pretty much everyone in the world right now... You need to be able to feel something, and what better way to make you feel something than the global crisis we are all in right now."

While some of the content is designed to stimulate, others are intended to educate audiences through the process of getting them off. 

In "COVID-19 Coronavirus: Horny Slut Has to Use Protection During Outbreak!", we see a 30-second PSA on coronavirus on the state of the coronavirus outbreak in China, the purpose of masks, and why we should all use protection during sex.

If there's anyone that could capitalize on a global pandemic and spin it from a source of panic to a source of erotic pleasure with informational elements... its the porn industry. 

In this Vice article, one porn connoisseur made an astute point:

"I think people are attracted to COVID-19 themed porn the same way people who are scared of their shadow are attached to horror movies: We are all searching for things that make us come alive,"

Agreed. Nothing makes you feel alive like a vivid reminder of your own mortality, amirite? 

I think these porn innovators might be on to something. A new frontier for humanity. Something that brings us back to our primal state of being.

So break out the Purell, ditch the normie smut, and try your hand (try going lefty even) getting off to the inevitability of mass contagion.