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Prince Andrew Can't Get People to Come to His 60th Birthday, What With Him Being a Serial Pedophile and All. Sad!

As a general rule, I'm not at all interested the Royal Family. Outside of the ancient ones who led battles from the front or sat on the Throne of Gondor or whatever. I'm not one to even listen to someone mention the Royals once I've gotten the initial Royyy-ALLLSSS out of my system and start to swallow my tongue with the boredom of the silly, make believe, fairy tale existence of the world's foremost welfare family.

But there is one Royal we haven't heard from in a while. And I've sincerely missed him. We haven't heard from Prince Andrew since that Chernobyl-level disaster that was his BBC interview back in November.

That was the one where he giggled like the privileged, protected, upper crust twat that he is. When he denied ever forcing himself on his buddy Jeffrey Epstein's underage sex slaves. Said he never met his accuser Virginia Roberts and pictures of them together are photoshopped. Claimed her story that they danced in a club as he sweated through his shirt is a lie because he's incapable of sweating due to an almost war injury he nearly suffered while practically in battle during the Falklands campaign. A condition which does not exist. And then said he never partied, despite all the evidence to the contrary:

So, yeah, this is a guy I'd like to hear a lot of. I prefer not to silence guys like that. I want them on camera and mic'd up for the same reason I want tracking devices on sharks: So we know where the predators are and how they behave. 

Well it's been months since Andrew dropped off the grid. And finally we've got some news.

Source - Prince Andrew’s birthday will be publicly celebrated later today, as Westminster Abbey will ring its bells at 1pm as the royal turns 60. But the Duke of York will likely not see Union Jacks flying in honour outside Government buildings after stepping back from royal duties. The Queen’s favourite son has since faced embarrassment as guests have failed to RSVP to a party at his home in Windsor. 

Speaking to ITV’s Lorraine, royal expert Russell Myers said: “Not only did the Queen cancel his birthday but I hear they are struggling to get guests to his little birthday party today. …

“Even the councils around the country would normally fly flags on Government buildings for some of the Queen’s children’s birthdays.

“But lots of them have said they’re not going to fly it this year at all because of the absolute scandal and furore with his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein."

That is so sad. You hate to see it. Just hate to see it. And as a parent myself, I can only imagine how the Queen feels. It breaks your heart to hear about these kids who throw a party and nobody shows up. Just because they're unpopular or have cooties or peed their pants once. It's almost like a form of social death. This reminds me of when my son got invited to the birthday of this kid Johnny in his class but he didn't want to go because Johnny was always going into everybody's Minecraft and destroying all the stuff that they'd built. I think we ended up forcing him to go, just to be polite to Johnny's parents. And because they were 10. 

To repeat, Prince Andrew is 60. And you can just picture him, all by himself at a 50 foot oak table in a castle dining room. Maybe wearing a paper hat. In front of a big cake. With no one to share it with. All sad. While his paid servants sing "Happy Birthday" and help him blow out the candles and tell him what a fine prince he is on his special day. Not because he deleted his classmates pixelated virtual houses like Johnny. But because he's a world class supercreep who could've had his pick of adult women around the globe but used his privilege to indulge his predilection for abusing teenage girls. 

Finally as an ironic punchline in all this, Andrew once got together with Epstein, his pimp Ghislaine Maxwell, and Harvey Weinstein. All at the same time. The occasion? They were his invited guests. To his own daughter's 18th birthday. 

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The difference is, punchlines are funny and this isn't. I guess we don't have to ask why they accepted the invite.