Blue Jays Catcher Reese McGuire Was Arrested For Allegedly Masturbating While Watching Porn In His SUV In A Public Parking Lot
TMZ- TMZ Sports has obtained the police report from McGuire's arrest ... and cops say a witness told them the Blue Jays catcher had been masturbating in his parked car before they arrived on the scene. According to the report ... cops say after they rolled up to the parking lot, they saw McGuire with his shirt "barely covering his genitals" and his sweatpants around his ankles. They claim in the report when they got McGuire out of his car, he "had an erection which was very apparent."
Cops say McGuire apologized to them profusely for the incident ... saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, this is really embarrassing." Cops say McGuire added, "I really shouldn't have been doing that." In the report, cops claim when they got McGuire's phone to try to find his current address ... they noticed an "extremely pornographic video was playing on the screen."
YIKES! I don't really know how Reese McGuire's lawyer is going to get him out of this one considering he was literally caught with his pants down. But that's a matter for him, his legal team, and the US Justice System, even though they probably have an uphill battle between his apology and that he looks like a Porn Guy.
I am simply here to say lets not shame Reese McGuire too much for what had to be the most embarrassing moment of his life because he got that little itch that had to be scratched at the most inopportune moment. I'm personally not one to handle my business in the car because I prefer things like privacy, discretion, and require a little more space than most. However, I have heard stories from both friends and those sick fucks on KFC Radio about people beating off in a car while they are driving. At least Reese traded in his tools of ignorance for tools of pleasure with the car safely in park. We hear all those stats about how unsafe texting while driving is. So I can't imagine how reckless it is to crack stick while driving.
We also don't know the circumstances that led to young Reese getting busy by himself in a parking lot. Maybe he was in the middle of a Wank Battle and was tapping out after taking a Jada Stevens ass shot to the dome. Maybe he thought his car's windows were tinted and the difference between an SUV and an apartment is just a few square feet. Or maybe he realized he was in Florida when the Maintenance Required light went on in his body and thought anything goes in that fucked up state.
Officers say they asked Reese why he came to the parking lot instead of just going home … McGuire responded that he "did not know, it just seemed like a good place."
Instead it turns out Reese was potentially breaking the law and he is now being charged with "exposure of sexual organs", which is a crude crime to be accused of, even for a Florida Man. Then again, maybe we should have seen this coming…
P.S. It's the upset of the century that this didn't happen to a Met
UPDATE: Tweets like this are why Stoolies are the best humans on the planet.
