Kansas City Man Is Willing To Pay $25,000 To Anyone Who Is Able To Find Him A Girlfriend

Can confirm, this story is "a doozy".


Jeff Gebhart knows what he wants.

A girlfriend.

Only problem? He’s having horrible luck finding Ms. Right. So, in the ultimate game of metro matchmaking, he’s eliciting the public’s help. Gebhart quietly launched a website over the weekend—the aptly named—where he’s offering $25,000 to anyone who can hook a brother up.

So when I blogged about Mark, a single man from England who rented a billboard advertising because he was tired of dating app, I didn't expect there to be another person like him. I thought Mark was a one-of-a-kind, quirky guy who was just trying to find true love because the world wasn't helping out.

Jeff, however, is ready to do whatever it takes for love. I would hardly say that Mark and this Jeff character have anything in common other than they both made websites about how lonely they are. Jeff seems more desperate, even his website is a little more... aggressive, if you will.

"I will give up $25,000 of my own personal money if someone will at least go out on a couple of dates with me" -Jeff (probably)

I mean, it's literally the first thing you see when you go to his website! $25,000! How fucked do you have to be in the brain to think that this is actually a good idea? I don't know, call me old fashioned but I'd rather die alone than to sell my soul (or in Jeff's case, dinner scraps) to someone who I probably won't like that much anyway.

The terms and conditions (* next to the $25,0000) are a sight to behold as well.

I'm not a girl so I don't really know but I'm not too sure I want to sign a goddamn contract when I'm gonna go on a date with a guy. Nor would I want to be put on layaway for some random dude who I'm trying to siphon 25g out of.

His bios, pictures, and just everything about his website is too serious. He's not having any fun with it. He's just doing a black and white interpretation of what he thinks people want to see rather than what they care about. 

There's also a 0.0% chance this dude has ever been called "a lighthearted jackass" by anybody. Nobody in the world speaks like that. That doesn't just come up in conversation.

"Oh, Jeff! You're such a lighthearted jackass!"

"Thanks, Beth, ya ole hag"

Just imagine that happening. You can't. Jeff wrote that shit himself, no question about. He just came up with that on the spot as he was typing this whole thing out.

I'm officially out on Jeff. Calling yourself a "Chunk-a-Monk" was a bit of a stretch but not terrible. But to say that health and fitness is "supa-important" was a poor attempt at relatable humor. My biggest question is where did the 'e' and the 'r' go? Why did he feel the need to shorten an already short enough word? Just terrible. 

This whole thing is the blueprint of what NOT to do if you're trying to make your own website. I will say though, the funniest part is at the end. 

When you click the "I like app-based dating" button it takes you to this:

Well played Jeff, well played.

PS - your website still sucks eggs even though you had a sweet video at the end. You horny bastard.