Antonio Brown Seems To Have Finally Gotten His Life Back Together. JK, He Instagram Live'd A Confrontation Between Himself, His Baby Mama, And The Police This Morning

I’m not one to Resolution Shame anybody, but it appears Antonio Brown couldn’t even make it two full weeks without acting like a complete lunatic on the internet. New Year, Same Mr. Big Chest.

You know how The Tyson Zone is known as the point where you are no longer surprised by any story involving an athlete? Well I think we have to officially rename that to the Antonio Brown Zone. Because I saw this tweet come across my timeline:

And I legitimately thought Antonio Brown threw a bag of actual dicks at his baby mama. I didn’t know if they were human dicks, animal dick, or dicks created in a scientific lab with the sole purpose to throw at a person you do not like. But there was no doubt in my mind Antonio Brown actually threw a brown paper bag of dicks that used to be attached to a living creature at someone. I’m not sure why I was so sure the bag was paper and brown. But I didn’t even bat an eyelash at the thought of Antonio Brown throwing a bag of dicks at somebody.

Instead it turns out they were just gummy dicks.

Which just makes it all somehow even weirder. I can understand if you have a dick guy, especially in Florida. But unless you just hosted a bachelorette party at your house, I can’t figure out why you’d have a bag of gummy dicks at your house, let alone within arm’s reach to toss at your baby mama.

At this rate, I think we need to give Mike Tomlin and the Steelers franchise all the credit in the world for keeping this AB hidden from the world for as long as they did because he is morphing from a superstar A-list athlete into a Florida Man right in front of our eyes.

Also, as a fellow dad, I am officially banning Antonio Brown from appearing on The Podfathers for life. I understand things can get heated with the mother of your children. But you have to keep those arguments away from the kids, the police, and all of us random mamalukes on the fucking internet. Considering Roger Goodell suspends people for shit he THINKS they may have done, I’m pretty sure we are done seeing Antonio Brown on an NFL football field. Which means there is only one man who is left to pay for that type of crazy.