Something about me. I’m a man of simple tastes. Cheese, meats, and fine condiments are my forte. So naturally today when?KFC blogged about this pizza shop owner charging a grand for ranch dressing, I was a little bit fired up. How dare this guy?try to dictate what a man can and can’t put on his own food? It’s essentially what the foundation of this country was built upon. GW didn’t lead his troops across the Delaware River in the dead of the night for some jabroni in Texas to tell Americans what to dip their delicacies in. And that goes double for ranch. I know for a fact the forefathers were big on that delicious, creamy stuff they call ranch dressing.
Anyways, ranch is the best condiment going these days. Sandwiches, wings, fries, any bar food you can name… better with ranch. So verstatile.?And yes whenever possible, I do dip my pizza into?ranch?dressing.?So I fired a tweet out:
I don’t even have a joke to make about ranch dressing and pizza. That’s how serious I am about the ranch on pizza life.
? Banks (@BarstoolBanks) March 25, 2014
And this is what happened:
People absolutely lost their minds. Saying I desecrated pizza. Asking if I eat?my steak with ketchup (ouch). Hell, WhiteSoxDave even?said I should be euthanized. Grow up and get off your high horse.?Broaden your horizons. I guarantee 99% of anyone who says ranch on pizza is gross haven’t even?considered trying it.?If you’re just getting started, you don’t even have use it on the majority of the pizza, save it for the crust. The crust is the most boring part of the pizza anyway, and the ranch makes it 1000x better.
So I just want to set the record straight on two things:
1. This is a matter of principle. Don’t tell someone how to live their lives. I like ranch on my pizza. Don’t try to take that away from me. I like having options, and you’re a child if you don’t too. If you like honey mustard or apple sauce or whatever you want to think of on your pizza, then more power to ya. I can respect creativity.
2. This is way more about ranch than it is about pizza. Pizza is one of the best foods out there, bar none. Ranch is the best condiments out there, bar none. It’s a match made in heaven.?A lot of people said the pizza I eat must suck, which is far from the truth. I can admit that ranch is far more effective when you’re eating shitty pizza, but having ranch there for a great slice is always nice too. Ranch is that fantastic.
So I’ll happily carry this torch. I know you fellow ranch-pizza patrons are out there. Don’t hate us for taking a good thing and making it better.