Best Headline of the Day: Armed Robber Penis Slaps Woman In The Face After She Refused To Give Up Cash

NYDN – An armed robber repeatedly penis-slapped a woman in the face after she refused to hand over cash, police said. Two masked men allegedly knocked on the backdoor of the 31-year-old victim’s Miami home at 3 a.m. Tuesday as she was sleeping. Her father-in-law answered and they forced their way past — demanding he hand over any money in the property. When he said he had none, they kicked down the door to the 31-year-old woman’s bedroom, pointed a gun at her head and screamed abuse. “B—-, where is the money?” one of the men shouted. He then removed his manhood from his pants and used it to hit her in the face.  When she again stated she didn’t have any money, the duo stole two TVs valued at $600 before fleeing. Cops are now hunting the pair, reports the Miami New Times. The Miami Herald reports that the woman thinks the gunmen saw her take money from a bank the previous evening and had followed her home.

You know when they say you shouldn’t try to be a hero in these situations? This is the reason why. If some burglar demands money from you, just give it to them. Because money comes and goes. Physically possessions can be replaced. But being cockslapped repeatedly? Thats permanent. Thats for life. You can’t erase the stain of a dude’s dick across your face.

So let this be a lesson to everyone out there. If you’re ever being mugged or robbed or held against your will, just give them what they want. You could be injured, killed, or even worse – dick slapped.