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Previewing Every Barstool Blogger's College Hoops Team For The 2019-20 Season

There’s a couple things readers of this site love. One is sports, two is talking shit and three is talking shit about sports. Well what’s better than getting a little knowledge on where everyone went to school so with college hoops season here you can really ramp up your shit talking?

Let me save you the low hanging fruit by answering honestly. Yes, bloggers actually do graduate from college and attend school. So let’s take a look at the schools your Barstool guys have a history with and might as well start with the guy who would demand to go first anyways.

Now, I’ve done this the last few years and it was easier when I first started because we didn’t have as many people. But this year we have a ton more so there’s a chance I forget someone. Here’s the list though:

Michigan (Pres) – Year 1 under Juwan Howard and they already have to deal with injuries. Listen, Zavier Simpson is a dog and I love watching him play but they need Franz Wagner to get back healthy fast. Realistically they should be closer to a bubble team than a title contender. 

Wherever She Wants (Erika Nardini) – The boss makes the rules and she can say she roots for any team. Rules are rules as she leads us to the moon. 

Wisconsin (Big Cat, Sam’s Army) – Well, on one hand Ethan Happ is finally gone. On the other hand somehow Brad Davison is only a junior. They are still waiting and fighting Micah Potter's ruling from the NCAA and that will determine a bit of their early success. That said, I do think their roster fits, it's more if Gard will actually let them run offense that fits better than the swing. 

Maryland (Nate, Banks, RDT) – Ah, the Terps - the Dirty Terps as some say here. A team with all the expectations. A team that many think have a chance to win the title this year. They see Anthony Cowan. They see Jalen Smith. They see that impressive (now) sophomore class. But, then you have to remember it's Mark Turgeon still there. His players don't improve as they go - see Melo Trimble and Jake Layman and the team with Diamond Stone. Get ready for a 4 seed and an out in the Sweet 16 - otherwise known as Mark Turgeon's career.

Fordham (KFC, Super Producer BC, JackMac, Tommy Smokes, Spider, probably 14 others) – Good news! They might not finish last in the A-10! Bad news, there's a legit chance they finish no better than second to last. This team just isn't good, even if they return a decent amount of minutes. Rose Hill Gym needs new life. 

Iowa (Trent) – We really have no idea what's going on with Jordan Bohannon. It was rumored he was going to miss the full year with a hip injury but now he's back? That's the key. Bohannon is an All-Conference type player. If he's back and healthy this is a tournament team with Garza and Wisekamp there. 

Texas-San Antonio (Uncle Chaps) – Would you guess that UTSA returns not one but two 20-point scorers? Jhivvan Jackson and Keaton Wallace are the two guards averaging over 20. They're a top-4 team in the C-USA, but going to be tough to beat out WKU for the auto bid. They are legit one of the more fun teams in the country too with how they can get hot and run offense.

Florida State (Feits) – Leonard Hamilton does two things: he doesn't age and he gets a bunch of long, talented players at FSU to be a good, decent team. Here we are again. They lose a couple guys to the NBA but they return Trent Forest and MJ Walker. This is a top-6 team in the ACC, like they are starting to be every year.

Susquehanna (Smitty) – Still can't believe they changed their name. Probably why they aren't going to be good this year. 

Ursinus (Jordie) – Only real question here is do they have enforcers? Do they need enforcers? 

Emory (Kmarko) – Weird, whenever I go to their webpage, I just get this gif which is 100% a way to suck up to the EIC because we're talking about Emory hoops, which is a top-10 preseason team in D3 rankings. 

Harvard (Riggs) – This is no hyperbole whatsoever. Harvard is sneaky good this year and has a legit chance to get to the second weekend if Seth Towns and Bryce Aiken are both healthy and playing. Obviously Towns is the real question here, as he's doubtful to open the year. Tommy Amaker is starting to recruit at Harvard in a way we haven't seen before. He has six top-150 recruits on the roster. 

UNC (Caleb) – Everyone should know the name Cole Anthony. The guy is a realistic shot at the No. 1 pick. He's Greg's son, he's just damn good. Now that said, this is a weird UNC team. They aren't super old, they are relying on transfers and two freshmen in Anthony and Armando Bacot. They aren't a title contender this year, but they aren't going to be a bubble team. Final Four feels like a ceiling for them at best. 

Penn State (Rone) – Good news is Lamar Stevens is still here. He'd be an All-American candidate if the team wasn't so bad. That's the bad news. Sure, Watkins and Dread are back, but we sort of know who they are and what this team is. It's going to go as Stevens goes and with the Big 10 fairly open after the top tier, there's a chance they can sneak in a decent year. They finished strong. 

Northwestern (WhiteSoxDave) – This team fucking stinks. Think about how bad they were last year and then remember they lose Vic Law, Dererk Pardon and more. Yeah, they don't return much. They still don't have solid point guard play. There are no factual errors in this statement. 

Siena (Clem) – Get to know the name Jalen Pickett if you don't already. He almost left after his freshman year but decided to come back and even stay at Siena with Jamion Christian leaving for George Washignton. Pickett is good enough to win the MAAC on his own and we should all just want Clem happy. 

Baseball (Carrabis) - I just want the Orioles to be good again. 

Fullbacks (PFT) - Low man wins. Nobody gets lower than fullbacks. John Kuhn forever. 

Illinois (Carl/Chief/Chuck Naso) – I love this Illinois team. They return that backcourt of Trent Frazier and Ayo (this dude is the real deal. He's a first round talent, maybe lottery). They also bring back Giorgi, who is a unique big man and gives them that inside-out game. Oh, let's just throw in a top-50 recruit in Kofi Cockburn too. I can't get enough of this team. 

Shanghai Sharks (Donnie) – Fuck the Beijing Ducks. 

The Octagon (Robbie Fox) - Nobody and I mean nobody covers the octagon like Robbie. Make sure you listen to his podcast (My Mom's Basement). No word on how UFC guys are at jumpers. 

UMass (Coley/Pat)  – Well, at least they aren't Fordham? But they also could be the reason Fordham doesn't finish last in the A-10. Losing Pipkins to a transfer is brutal and they really just return Carl Pierre. I just have no idea how this team scores, which, well you need to be able to do to win. 

Kentucky (Reags/Tyler) – I love this roster but in a weird way. They might not have top-end talent, although I think Maxey or Whitney end up there, but they just have so much versatility. The fact that Calipari can run three guards is massive. Toss in the fact that there's no real shooting question for the first time in year and they are a title favorite. 

Syracuse (Hubbs) – Just get ready for another February of Syracuse on the bubble, beating a team like Duke and then losing to someone like Georgia Tech. They still have a ton of questions on the offensive side. I know Girard brings in shooting/scoring, but do you trust Jimmy B to run something that helps out? I don't think so. They can't get bailed out this year with Battle gone. 

Army (Capt. Cons) – I will not say a bad thing about the troops. Instead I will say they have a good, veteran PG who can get others involved and plenty of shooting around him. The Patriot is open after Colgate. Get hot and finish in the top half. 

Arizona State (Greenie) – I still can't get over the fact that Greenie went to Arizona State. One of the more baffling combos here. The fact that Greenie went to the same school that a guy Remy Martin is playing for, you figure it out. What they won't figure out is how to get off the bubble. I like Romello White, but I just don't know if they are talented enough to consistently win. 

Ohio State (Ohio’s Tate/Big Ev) – I love this team. Can't get enough of them. They are my sneaky pick for Big 10 champion if you want to bet against MSU. This is mostly dependent on DJ Carton living up to the hype as a freshman and Wesson staying healthy. That said, Holtmann is a legit top-15ish coach in the country. 

IUPUI (Mantis) – I'll be honest, it's never a good thing when your coach has to resign late in the offseason because of a DUI. It hurts even more when that coach is Jason Gardner (former Arizona great) and one of the up and coming coaches. 

Duke (Marty Mush/Hank) – Zion ain't walking through that door. Yeah, they are a preseason top-5 team but I'm not buying it. Can Tre Jones figure out his shot? If not, the ability for Carey/Hurt to score gets tougher. Also their roster just doesn't fit. The wings are so weird. They have guys who are all defense and no offense or vice versa and they don't fit playing next to each other. 

Texas A&M (Kayce) – Just get to year 2 or 3 and Buzz Williams will be just fine. Remember he won just 11 games in year 1 at Virginia Tech and that worked out alright. No word on if he'll bring in Barstool personalities to practice in College Station. 

Texas (Liz) –  Shaka Smart desperately needs a good year this year. Needless to say expectations have not been met with what he was supposed to be. Now, it does help that the best story in the game is in Austin too with Andrew Jones likely returning after beating cancer and then an injury last year. Big 12 is open after Kansas and Texas has a legit shot to be the second best team. 

Manhattan (KenJac) – Manhattan returns 11 players that saw time last year! 11! Also Manhattan needs to change its name since its not technically in Manhattan anymore. 

Tennessee (Big Tennessee) - Fuck Tennessee. 

UConn (Jeff Lowe/Marina) - Last year in the AAC so we can finally stop listening to UConn fans bitch about that. Hurley is starting to get some players in the program though and I think they are a year or two away. I just don't a) trust Gilbert to stay healthy and b) think the freshmen good enough yet to win a bunch of games. 

NHL (Spittin Chiclets) – Hockey tough. These basketball guys have no idea. Bunch of muppets. 

Hollywood (CITO) – I get all my Hollywood knowledge from CITO from 3-4 on Sirius XM Power 85. You should too if you were smart. 

Indiana University (Pennsylvania) (Kate) – IUP is a D2 powerhouse, man. Not just drinking either. IUP knows how to drink. But they also went 30-3 last year and despite losing an All-American they are No. 11 in preseason rankings. 

Texas Tech (Dallas Braden) - Get to know the name Jahmi'us Ramsey. The freshman is going to be the next guy that Beard turns into a lottery pick. This is a preseason top-10 team despite losing all that talent from last year's title game team. They still have a ton of depth and Beard is as good as anyone in the country. 

Notre Dame (Large) - This is a sleeper team in the ACC. They only lose DJ Harvey from last year and have that sort of perfect mix now of experience and guys who were are taking a jump. John Mooney averaged a double double last year and they have a ton of versatility and depth. Again, sneaky team to finish top-4 in the ACC. 

Hofstra (Willie Colon/Glenny) - Hofstra loses Justin Wright-Foreman, who did pretty much everything and is playing in the NBA now. But, Hofstra still has a real chance to win the CAA and that's because of Eli Pemberton - who averaged 15 last year. Combining him with Desure Buire and you have two potential All-CAA players. 

The Kitchen ($20 Chef/Chef Donny) - I'm now just hungry and would like one of these two chefs to cook me something. Might need to get Donny back from Zimbabwe with Donnie and Zah though. 

Unknown (Call Her Daddy) - Legit have no idea and doubt they'd show up if it took place in an office. 

Mississippi State (Brandon Walker) - I'm not nearly as high on Miss. State as some others nationally. They don't have enough shooting. I like Reggie Perry, who is a breakout candidate. Nick Weatherspoon is still there but he's suspended for a few games. There's individual talent, but this feels like a middle of the pack SEC team. 

Whatever the right side is (Blackjack/Lo Duca) - Pretty simple. They are betting guys. All that matters is getting a win. 

Kent State Wrestling (KB) - I'd say something weird about Kent State, but KB would just make it weirder. 

Indiana (Vibbs) - Uhh, well, you always have those 5 old banners Vibbsy. This team isn't going to be good and they are going to be boring. I like Archie too! But this team stinks. They are going to just try to ugly the game up with their depth and bigs and it's going to be miserable to watch. 

The Outdoors (YP/Boris) - Get Boris on your side and you win a championship. Can't spot the lie there.