A Court Of Law Has Proven That You Deserve To Get Your Ass Beat If You Wear A Jersey To An Away Rivalry Game

PHILADELPHIA — A state appeals court has vacated a $700,000 personal injury verdict stemming from a bathroom fight at a Philadelphia Eagles football game.

Dallas Cowboys fan Patrick Pearson sued the Philadelphia Eagles, the Eagles stadium operator and security firm Executive Services Management after he was injured at Lincoln Financial Field in December 2014. After a Philadelphia County Court of Common Pleas judge denied the defendants’ motions for summary judgment, the trial jury found the team and stadium 50 percent responsible for Pearson’s injury through negligence, assigned 30 percent of the blame to the security force’s negligence and 20 percent to Pearson directly, awarding him $700,000 in damages.

Following post-trial motions, the court awarded Pearson delay damages of $10,897 from the team and stadium and $6,156 from the security firm.

Alright so I'm not a lawyer or anything, but the way I understand this story is that some idiot Cowboys fan wore a jersey into the Eagles stadium, and he proceeded to get his butt kicked while he was using the bathroom. The jury then decided that this idiot deserved $700,000 because him being a Cowboys fan at Lincoln Financial Field was a "known danger" and the Eagles should've had a better plan in place to make sure he didn't get the poop kicked out of him. Hey, I have a better plan! Don't wear the rival team's jersey to an away game you idiot! And definitely don't go into the bathroom by yourself!

Luckily, a state appeals court has agreed, and this dude is walking away with nothing more than a couple grand for delays. They have set the precedent: if you wear a jersey to an away rivalry game, you deserve to get the poop kicked out of you.

Kudos to this court for hitting the nail on the head. Way to right a wrong. Because the original decision by jury was that the blame pie should be split up with 50% fault going to the Eagles, 30% to the security team, and only 20% to the Cowboys fan. But in my opinion and the opinion of a much higher and sophisticated court, 100% of this falls squarely upon the guy that showed up to Philly wearing his finest Dallas jersey. What did he think was going to happen? There is a 0.0% chance I'd show up to Pittsburgh wearing a Browns jersey. Or Michigan wearing an Ohio State jersey. You're just asking for trouble. Sure, I wore a Buckeye sweatshirt to Northwestern a couple weeks ago, but I was rolling 13 deep and we were playing Northwestern. What were those nerds going to do? Politely ask me to turn it inside out?

And on top of that, how does this dude decide to go to the bathroom by himself? That's just a clear showing that you have zero brain cells. Even innocent people get picked on in the wild wild west that is the opposing team's restroom.

That dude was literally doing nothing and he got a beer thrown at him. And if he responded in any way, shape, or form, he'd have gotten his butt kicked. Because the fact of the matter is that if you wear the rival teams gear to an away game, it's open season. People are going to chirp at you, and you're not allowed to respond. Because once you respond, you're in trouble. And all laws get thrown out the window too. I've seen my fair share of Steelers fans get kicked out of Cleveland, and they weren't the instigators nor the most guilty. But what is security going to do? Throw out a Browns fan every 2 seconds, or take away 1 Steelers fan and solve the problem?

Great job by the US Court System for making a statement here. Idiocracy will no longer be tolerated in this country. We're going to start weeding them out one butt kicking at a time.