Fuck Me Sideways: Anthony Rizzo Is *Probably* Out For The Year
Everyone with a brain cell felt some pain watching that yesterday and spare me your Hardo Talk about how it’s just a rolled ankle and blah blah blah. That injury sucks a big one and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or pain doctor to verify that claim. That’s a lot of thick Italian man to support and obviously his ankle didn’t hold up to well in the process:
Now it’s being reported he’s in a boot 5-7 days which is insufferably bad news with just 13 games left in the season. Especially with him clicking in the leadoff spot and the club being in desperate need of All Hands On Deck.
Oh well.
Next step is logically preparing your brain for excruciating baseball down the stretch. When they say 5-7 days in a boot that means out the rest of the homestand and at best the last 6 games of the year. But we know very well that without the use of science or steroids and the like, no regular person is coming back on this timetable.
But Rizzo’s no regular guy!
Yes he is in every way shape or form. As regular as it gets. His ankle probably looks like it’s pregnant with a sweet potato right now. So without a big investment in science by way of some kind of steroid shot, I’m buying Rizzo’s Comeback Stock very fucking low. And it sucks.
Now you might be wondering – Carl why are you showing me Kris Bryant highlights?
Valid question.
Because a week ago Kris Bryant was all banged up. From 9/2 to 9/7 he hit .167 with 7 strikeouts and 0 walks. He was such a bag of shit in Milwaukee they made him sit on Sunday then sat him Monday in San Diego. Everyone was freaking out and then the Cubs pumped him full of drugs
My advice would be to get some more drugs in the clubhouse and give them all to Anthony Rizzo.
In the mean time:
WE GOT A GAME TONIGHT