LeBron Getting Denied The Right To Patent 'Taco Tuesday' Restored All My Faith In Humanity

Thank fucking God. I finally have some faith in humanity again. I was a little skeptical since you never know how this 50/50 ruling is going to go. But the fact they not only denied LeBron Taco Tuesday, but they also denied Ohio State ‘THE’ well I just feel like a million goddamn bucks.

I mean just think of a world where LeBron, LEBRON, owns Taco Tuesday. It’d be miserable. Once every goddamn week we’d be reminded how stupid the world is. The fact that both Tuesdays (the worst day of the week, shout out Hank and 2-man) and tacos would be ruined. Tacos are fucking delicious. I just can’t have them ruined.

Never forget this news broke just a couple of hours before the first Saturday in college football kicked off. That’s why I have faith in humanity. No doubt the people at the patent office recognized this, realized he’s a gigantic asshole and said no even faster than they would have regularly.

What a spin zone here though. I actually somewhat respect that bold claim that it wasn’t to normally patent Taco Tuesday.