Who The Hell Is Picking Their Nose And Wiping It All Over The Bathroom Walls At Barstool HQ?

I’ve been using urinals my entire life and I’ve never encountered anything like this. There is snot EVERYWHERE on the urinal in the Barstool office and they’ve been accumulating for a while, almost like someone is daring us to bring it up. Well I’ve hit my breaking point. At first I let it slide, there was one or two boogers and I thought, “He who hasn’t had a booger unexpectedly rocket out of his nose when he sees a hilarious meme while scrolling twitter mid-piss,” cast the first stone. So I bit my tongue. Then a few more started showing up but I feared there was a “he who smelt it dealt it” situation with wall mucus and elementary school law still plays so I remained silent. But it’s out of hand at this point and if I’ve gotta be the hero to step up and tell the adults in this office to stop putting their nose cum on the urinal then I’ll fucking do it. Stop.

PS – Just so we’re clear I’m not nose picking shaming. I fiddle with my nose all the time, it’s too big and it’s right there, but I’d like to offer into evidence that I’m a roll and flicker, not a wiper.

PPS – Mantis got thrown under the bus real quick when I brought this up but I’ve got my eyes on a different culprit. He’s a nice kid so I hate to do this but…

Tommy Smokes still kinda looks like the kid in third grade who did all the weird stuff, ask the Daddy girls and they’ll tell you. I’m not trying to profile but when you’re looking for someone who’s doing weird third grade stuff then that’s a bad guy to be. Wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Tommy is violating the sanctity of these walls while ripping a piss with his pants at half mast and his whole ass out.