One of the worst feelings in the world is being the guy who holds up your foursome because you can’t knock down a putt. You’re having a decent day off the tee, and by decent day I mean you’re at least not losing a ball in the woods every time you break out your driver. Your short game is actually pretty decent and the boys can’t believe that you’re on the green in 2. But then it comes time to break out the putter. And for some reason, you just can’t figure this shit out. It was so much easier at Putt-Putt when you would at least have some obstacles out there that could stop your ball. But putt #1 is too long. Putt #2 is too short. Put #3 ends up rolling off the green entirely. Putt #4 just grazes past the whole. Putt #5 should be a gimme at this point but you find a way to fuck it up anyway. Here you were putting for a birdie, and now you’re holding up the whole group while you tap in for 8. Rough scene to say the least.
But that’s not the case anymore if you load up your bag with these self-putting balls. Just make contact with the fucker and you can make it dance all over the green. Is it cheating? Absolutely. But when you consider the alternative is camping out at every hole for another 10 minutes while you read the green like that little kid in Billy Madison, I think the rest of your crew will happily oblige and let you use the cheat ball. Not only is this ball going to improve your final score, but it’s also going to improve friendships. Because now I don’t need to think of an excuse anymore about why I can’t get out there for a round on a Saturday morning because I’m too embarrassed of my putting skills. Maybe I’ll even sign up for the Barstool Classic now.