FBI Investigating Dude Who Pulled His Dick Out On A Plane After Getting Peppermint Oil On It

AUGUST 15Along with disrupting al-Qaeda plots and keeping the homeland safe, the FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force is also investigating whether a Utah man exposed himself on an airplane after inadvertently getting a peppermint-scented topical pain reliever on his penis, The Smoking Gun has learned. Federal agents are probing a bizarre incident late last year on a Delta Air Lines flight en route to Salt Lake City from Minneapolis, Minnesota. According to a search warrant application filed yesterday in U.S. District Court, a female passenger told a flight attendant that the man sitting next to her exposed his penis during the trip. Clarke–who initially flew from Amsterdam to Minneapolis and then on to Salt Lake City–claimed that he had a headache in the Netherlands. To ease the pain, “he decided to rub ‘peppermint oil’ on his forehead,” Christensen reported. Clarke apparently believed that the oil could be used as a topical pain reliever. After applying the peppermint oil, Clarke claimed that he “went to the toilet.” While in the airplane lavatory, Clarke said, “I obviously touched my privates,” adding that he must have transferred peppermint oil to his penis since he “felt burning afterwards.”  As Clarke tells it, he apparently was on the final leg of his journey home when he began suffering from an irritated crotch. Clarke–who recalled that he was seated with a coat over himself to keep warm–told Christensen that he “began ‘scratching and adjusting’ his groin area due to being uncomfortable from the peppermint oil.” When the cop asked why he did not go to the bathroom to “fix the problem,” Clarke replied that it “would not have made it better,” adding that “water makes it worse.” Seeking further relief, Clarke then unfastened two buttons on his button fly pants, placed his right hand inside his underwear, and, as he told Christensen, “removed his penis from the inside of his pants.” It was after this final adjustment that Clarke’s female row mate noticed his unencumbered unit.

Listen we’re in a Post 9/11 world. You can’t whip your dick out 30,000 feet in the air on a plane and not expect any repercussions. But you know whats been going on for eternity well before 9/11? Men protecting their dicks. At all costs. And when you’ve got peppermint oil on your cock and that thing is starting to burn up, you have every right to do whatever it takes to cool it off. Grab it, touch it, rub it, pull it out of your underwear. This bitch complaining is lucky he didn’t dunk his dick directly into her little airplane cup full of water. I don’t even know what peppermint oil is exactly, but I’d imagine its like a mixture of Ben Gay and fire. I don’t even like if my medicated Gold Bond gets a little too tingly on my junk. Can’t even imagine what its like when you’ve got peppermint Vicks smeared on your tip.

Classic screw up from this guy too. Its like when you just finished eating buffalo wings and you touch your eye by accident and next thing you know your eyeballs feel like they’re melting. Except in this case the guy ended up with a peppermint candy cane cock. In either situation you’re just furious with yourself and you’ll do whatever you can to stop the burning. Even if that means whipping out your dick on a crowded airplane. Doesn’t make Stu Clarke a terrorist by any means.