Is There A Better Way To Get Escorted Out Of The Courtroom Than Going Straight Dead Fish, Dave Portnoy Style?
CINCINNATI - After a dramatic day in court, former judge Tracie Hunter was dragged off to jail by a bailiff to serve a 6-month sentence that was imposed more than four years ago.
Hunter, a former Hamilton County Juvenile Court judge, was convicted in October 2014 of a single felony charge, having an unlawful interest in a public contract. It's related to giving confidential documents to her brother, a juvenile court employee who was in the process of being fired.
So apparently this lady helped her brother during a disciplinary hearing back in 2014 by giving him documents that he wasn't supposed to have access to, but I don't care about that. That's not what this blog is about. This blog is about the fact that she was finally directed to serve the 6-month jail sentence that she's been delaying for nearly 5 years now, and when the judge told the bailiff to take her away, she went completely dead fish.
Someone's a Stoolie! Because this is a direct tip of the cap to our tireless working, watermelon eating leader, Dave Portnoy, who put on a dead fish clinic at this year's Super Bowl.
Go Pres Go. But now after seeing two people execute the move to perfection, it got me thinking: is there a better way to get kicked out of ANYTHING than going straight dead fish?
This should be the go to move for anyone who is asked to leave anywhere, whether it be from the courtroom, the Super Bowl, ejected from an MLB game, or kicked out of the local Walmart. You thought Aaron Boone was cool for clapping in the umpires face and telling him his guys were savages in the box? Yeah....it was really funny. Add it to the playlist of funny baseball ejections. But that video becomes a first ballot Internet Hall of Famer if he then sits down on the plate and makes the umpires drag him off.
Utilizing the dead fish move puts all on the onus on the other side. It makes them look like assholes, regardless of what you just did. It's a very, very fine line though. When you fight back at all, it makes you look like the asshole. I don't care what happened at the bar to make the bouncers throw you out, if you are screaming and kicking and fighting, you suck. Go home. But if you go limp and make a big brute drag you through the crowd, I side with you. Let him stay - he's a good guy!
The optic of dragging a lifeless person from anywhere creates such a bad visual for the people that are generally on the right side of the situation. That's why it is officially in my repertoire of moves. Do I plan on going to court or getting ejected from a high school girls basketball game anytime soon? No, but it's always good to be prepared for when your number is called. I'm going to go watch some game tape of the best to ever do it and make sure I'm ready. Shout out to Bernie Lomax for creating the move.