I Went To A Bar With My Friend Smitty And It Was Downright Offensive How Shitty They Were

I can’t get over this shit this shitty bar/restaurant pulled yesterday in Vegas. Me and my good friend Smitty went to eat and drink away his busting out of the main event in level 3 blues at a place called Beer Park LV. And it STINKS. Place just stinks on ice. Why does it stink? Look no further than the above. When you order chips and guac, you want 1) not store bought, generic, no flavor guacamole, and 2) YOU DON’T WANT IT IN THE TINNIEST JAR EVER SERVED WITH A SPOON.

Look, I’ve eaten a lot of guacamole in my life. It’s actually something I pride myself on. I have never, and I mean NEVER, seen it served like that. It’s not even a new, cutesie way of serving it. It’s not like anyone would see that and be like “wow, this is a great new way of serving chips and guac”. We’re at a fucking bar, serve it like it. What am I gonna do, take a dollop and put it on a plate and then take a chip and then dip it into the dollop on my plate? What…what kind of bar, what kind of society, operates like that? I’m disgusted just typing this all over again. Serve guacamole correctly, it’s not that fucking hard.

And squeeze some fucking lime juice over it for fucks sake, it’s not exactly reinventing the wheel, it’s just common sense. And we also ordered loaded tots which were so bad, and not even loaded. It was just tots with nacho cheese and sour cream. That’s it. No chives, no bacon, no nothin. You might be wondering “why did you order such trash?” Well the menu didn’t tell us they were going to rub the orders down their ass cracks before bringing them out.

And then finally, about 15 minutes after we ordered our first beer and food, they kicked us out. Not even joking or exaggerating a little bit. We Ubered there, sat down, ordered 5 beers and 3 apps, and then were immediately told to “wrap it up” because they had reserved every seat in the bar. Ummm…maybe that’s something to tell us before we drop $150 in 15 minutes? So my friend Smitty got in an old fashioned stand off. He wasn’t going to leave until he finished his god damn tots.

Look how cute my friend Smitty is!

So all in all, fuck that beer garden, and stop serving your store-bought, bland guacamole in a petri dish, you assholes.