A Notes App Apology Wasn't Enough

As most of you can probably imagine, my head’s in a pretty dark place right now. As someone who’s made a career out of ruthlessly exposing and embarrassing others for what they post online, I never could’ve imagined that the tables would turn on me in such a horrific manner. Yes, it hurts that I lost thousands of loyal followers since the incident last night, but it’s even more painful knowing that I lost their trust and respect in the process.

I don’t even know where to start. As a young man in the early 2010s, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how deeply they can hurt. I thought it was OK to say and repeat shameful and unacceptable language on social media, but didn’t realize at the time how bad it would make me look down the road.

I take my relationships with people of all backgrounds very seriously and I apologize for offending or hurting anyone with my childish and inexcusable mistakes. I was a kid then and I am a man now who knows my responsibility to the world, and to not make those mistakes again.

I’m not trying to make any excuses, but 2012–2013 was particularly dark for me. Between cutting an unhealthy amount of weight for wrestling, blacking out in saunas from heat exhaustion on a regular basis, untreated severe concussions, and 99 Apples/Bananas, that entire two-year timespan is an opaque blur to me.

Again, I’m not trying to make any excuses; I’m just saying that I cant cognitively pinpoint the exact reason or motive behind such flagrant atrocities. Also, I’d be remiss not to mention that some of those tweets were merely lyrics from popular musicians. For example, “You say that you over me/you always end up under me” is actually just a euphemistic verse from Drake’s “Hate Sleeping Alone” track, and not necessarily reflective of my own sex life, or lack thereof, in 2013. However, I don’t know if tweeting Drake lyrics that don’t apply to me makes this situation better or worse. Probably worse.

In those dismal moments I said some disgusting things that don’t reflect who I am or how I feel about any group of people. I guess I was just trying to come across as “normal” and fit in with my lyric-quoting, sexually active peers. I’m not at all defending my choice of words but I am happy to be the poster boy for thinking about what you say on social media before pressing send.

Just wanted to fully own up to this and refrain from being even more of a hypocrite than I already am.