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Look Ma, I Finally Made SportsCenter (For Being Bald) !!!

I gave up on the typical American youth’s dream of appearing in a SportsCenter highlight before high school. Little League dropout, shitty skater, mediocre hoop game, played more football with a Nerf than pigskin. I had no delusions about my (lack of) ability.

But never give up, kids. You, too, could be pasty, bald early, and have increasingly worse vision to become part of a popular recurring segment on the country’s top highlight show and cross “Made SportsCenter” off that bucket list.

I’m a little surprised it took this long given how much I’ve been getting tagged with SVP on Twitter. But then I realized my man Stanford Steve was just waiting for a nice picture of me to show up on the Internet that he could use. What a guy.