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You'd Have To Be The Biggest Dirt Ball To Not Give Bryce Harper Multiple Standing Ovations At Nationals Park Tonight

Atlanta Braves v Philadelphia Phillies

Bryce Aron Max Harper makes his return to Nationals Park today for the first time since signing with the Phillies. Now I understand that some feelings may be hurt. I understand that it’s always difficult to see your best player walk from your organization in free agency. Just ask the clown show Islanders fans how they feel about John Tavares right now.

But let me be extremely clear about this right now–if Washington Nationals fans have any shred of decency and/or integrity, they won’t just give Bryce Harper one big standing ovation today. They’ll give him multiple standing O’s. You figure he’ll be up at the plate today what? 3 or 4 times? Well Bryce Harper deserves at least 3 or 4 standing ovations today from Nationals fans and you’d have to be the biggest coward in the world to not give them to him. Here’s why.

Standing O #1: 


Bryce Harper is about to become a father. One of life’s greatest gifts. You better damn well congratulate him on bringing a new life into this world. And considering his wife is pregnant, Bryce Harper is now at least a One-Time Confirmed Sex Haver. So you better get out of your seats and congratulate him on the sex. But yeah, if Nats fans are going to boo Bryce Harper today then they are booing fatherhood. That’s pretty messed up. Think about the kids.

Standing O #2:


That right there? That right there is the smile of a man who just put $330 million in his bank account. So Washington Nationals fans better congratulate Bryce Harper on becoming rich as shit. And if it makes them feel any better, they can justify it a little bit by telling themselves that at least they don’t have to pay him the $330 million. But this man just became a filthy rich son of a bitch because he can launch a baseball to the moon. That’s the most American thing I’ve ever heard. So if Nats fans are going to boo Bryce Harper today then they are booing the American Dream. That’s pretty messed up.

Standing O #3: 


This is where you can finally thank Bryce Harper for all that he’s done for the Nationals during his 7 years there in Washington DC. He made baseball fun in that town and he always made the Nationals a team to watch. Think about it real quick. If it weren’t for Bryce Harper, there’s a damn good chance that the Nationals are back up in Montreal again right now. He was as big of a star as a baseball player can possibly be. So if Nats fans want to boo Bryce Harper today then they are booing the fact that the Nationals are a relevant organization. That’s pretty messed up.


Standing O #4: 

This will be for the inevitable moon shot that he sends out of the park. Any time you crush a dinger off of Max Scherzer, it deserves a standing ovation.

Again, you’d have to be the biggest scumbag in the world to not give Bryce Harper the ovation he deserves when making his return to Nationals Park tonight. But if there’s one thing we know about Washington DC, it’s that it’s filled with a bunch of slimeballs.