PSA: Do Not Park Your Car In South Philly For The Next 7 Months Unless You Want Your Windows To Be Shattered By Baseballs
I mean maybe if you’re in a parking garage or something like that you could potentially be safe. But I’m up in Fairmount and even I’m a little nervous about a dinger flying all the way from Citizens Bank Park up here and smashing my windshield today. I mean whomst insurance would be covering that? Do I take the bill directly to Bryce Harper or Rhys Hoskins? Am I going to have to go through the Phillies to get that fixed? I know I’m sure as shit not paying that bill. Maybe the Mayor can work something out where any window damaged by a Phillies dinger this year gets paid for with the money the city is bringing in from the Soda Tax. Maybe that’s actually what the soda tax was all about. Maybe Mayor Kenney knew that the Phils were going to land Bryce Harper years ago and knew that the city would need some extra money to cover smashed windshields in the near future.
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Either way, Happy Opening Day to you and yours. Typically I am vehemently against grown adults bringing their glove with them to a baseball game. But if you’re heading to Citizens Bank Park at any point between now and 13 years from now? Well I think I can make a few exceptions here because balls are going to be flying out of that park at an alarming rate. I’d rather you all look like idiots bringing a glove to a game rather than have at least 5 people leave each game with a broken hand because they tried to barehand a moon shot from Brhys.