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The National Media Crying Over Philadelphia's Success Will Forever And Always Be The Sweetest Tears

I think we can all agree that the majority of people on this planet are sheep. There are very few original thinkers out there. Most people just say and do what they are told to say and do. I’m not saying that I’m any better. I would say I have some decently strong sheep-like qualities as well. I’m just simply pointing out a matter of fact. Very few people have their own ideas. And there’s no better example of that than when it comes to the national media/national general perception and how they handle the city of Philadelphia. Case in point–Will Cain’s emotional breakdown over Bryce Harper signing with the Phillies yesterday.

I don’t think that anybody actually hates Philly. I just think that people have been told for so long that they’re supposed to hate Philly that over time, it’s just kind of developed into everybody’s automatic reaction when Philly is brought up. The national media hates Philly because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. It’s why the immediate thing that everybody brings up when hating on Philly is snowballs at Santa Claus and throwing batteries–because it was shit that happened multiple decades ago that all these people were told about and now instead of coming up with an opinion of their own, they just go with what they’ve been told about Philly. Which is fine and everything. Just as long as we realize that it’s not a legitimate hatred of Philly anymore, it’s just all manufactured hatred from decades ago that people think they’re supposed to have for this city.

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Now that that’s out of the way, let’s just talk about how wrong Will Cain is here and why his manufactured hatred of Philly has led him to this point:

– Let’s start off with the claim that the Phillies “money whipped” Bryce Harper into signing here–uhhhhhh yeah no fuckin’ shit, buddy. You are out of your goddamn mind if you think that Bryce Harper wasn’t out looking to sign for the most amount of guaranteed money he could possibly make this offseason. Why is that? Well because Bryce Harper clearly has an alpha personality. You don’t get to the point where Bryce Harper has gotten to in a professional sport without being an alpha and without being as competitive as humanly possible. And when you have that type of personality, the legacy you leave behind is maybe the most important thing to you. Am I saying that Bryce Harper is the greatest baseball player to ever live? Hell no. Far from it. But do I think he would love for “the Greatest Of All Time” to be his legacy one day? Abso-goddamn-lutely. And the best way to get that legacy going is to make the most amount of money that anybody in the history of professional sports has ever made.

So the Philadelphia Phillies didn’t “money whip” Bryce Harper into signing here. The Philadelphia Phillies knew exactly what Bryce Harper wanted, and they offered it to him. Bryce was searching for something and the Phillies offered it to him. It doesn’t really get anymore romantic than somebody giving you exactly what you are looking for in life. I don’t really see how that should be “embarrassing” for the Phillies or for the city of Philadelphia. Like sorry for being able to give this guy everything he wanted? I guess that’s our bad and we should feel great shame for it.

– The second notion here is that it took months to sign him even after offering him the most money, and the fact that Bryce was still entertaining some other offers throughout the process. And this one right here is just so detached from reality. It’s not just a Will Cain issue, either. It’s an issue that every single sports fan in the world has. Because when we talk about sports and athletes, so rarely do we ever consider these guys to be actual humans. So rarely do we ever bring the human element of everything into consideration. We just treat athletes like they’re chess pieces or something when in reality, a 26-year-old Bryce Harper was making the biggest decision of his life and wanted to make sure that he would have no regrets about said decision.

And not only was this the biggest decision of his life, but it’s also probably one of the very few decisions Bryce Harper has gotten to make for himself. I mean think about it–when you’re a kid, you don’t really do a ton of decision making on your own. Your parents kind of direct you in life and tell you where to go. So I’m sure that Bryce Harper said as a child that he wanted to play baseball, but the final decision in the end always goes to your parents when you’re a kid. So he wasn’t making a ton of decisions then. Up next, Bryce Harper gets drafted to the Washington Nationals 1st overall. He didn’t really have any say in that, did he? So if he wasn’t the final decision maker as a child and wasn’t the decision maker when he got drafted by the Nationals, this would have been the first time in his baseball playing career that he truly had the final say on something. And fucking Will Cain thinks that the Phillies should be embarrassed that it took them a month and a half to get Bryce to make that decision? Get out of here.

No shit he entertained offers from the Dodgers. No shit he entertained offers from the Giants. It was a massive decision and he just wanted to make sure that he ended up making the right one. And what was the decision he finally made?

Signing for 13 years in the city of Philadelphia with no trade clauses and no opt-outs. And did Bryce Harper want an opt-out?

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No he did not. He took his time, he assessed all the best offers that were out there, and at the end of the day he decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his career in the city of Philadelphia. And people like Will Cain can’t accept the fact that Bryce Harper actually wants to stay here because they’ve been told for so long that Philly is this big bad place filled with a bunch of scumbags. If anybody should feel embarrassed here, it’s not Philadelphia and it’s not the Phillies. It’s everybody who constantly feels the need to shit on Philly just because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do and that’s what makes you feel comfortable with your place in the world.

P.S. – Can’t wait to do it all again in a couple of years when Mike Trout comes home.

@BarstoolJordie