-Gift cards to specific places are pointless. I’d much rather have a $25 check/cash than a $25 gift card to Starbucks. It’s the same value, and I will spend $25 on Starbucks in my future, but I’d prefer having the freedom to spend it on whatever. It’s also easier for the gift-giver to give you cash/a check, as opposed to going somewhere to buy the gift card. Moreover, I sometimes forget to use gift cards because I don’t pack them in my wallet. And lastly, I feel like the cashiers get slightly agitated when someone uses a gift card. STOP GIVING PEOPLE GIFT CARDS.
-One of the best feelings in life is starting a clap that turns into an ovation as others join in.
-Next time you hear a “Sia” song come on, turn to someone and say “Who sings this?” Hopefully they’ll know and respond “Sia.” Then you can say, “Oh you’re leaving, where ya going?” (It sounds like they’re saying “see ya”). Very funny.
-There’s no need to get someone a birthday card if you live with them. You’ll see them that day and can just say “Happy Birthday” in person. Birthday cards should only be sent if you’re not going to see the person on that day. This goes for any occasion really. Personally, I’ve never bought anyone a card in my life for anything. Waste of $5.
-Speaking of birthdays, at what point can I tell people I’m “about to be 23” when they ask my age? Right now, I’m 22 but turn 23 on April 29th. On, say, April 17th, I can definitely say “about to be 23” or even just “23.” But what about now, roughly two months out? Can I throw out the “about to be” tag yet?
-One day down the road, I’ll get home from work to my house in the suburbs. I’ll be in the den, pants freshly unbuckled, as my wife loudly talks on the phone to her sister, whom I don’t care for. I’ll say, “Honey, can you keep it down? The game is on!” And in that moment, I’ll know that I’ve made it.
-I recently started using a journal where I can write down thoughts and ideas I have. But I think I like the idea of having a journal more than I like actually using it. I can type much faster than I write. My hand hurts if I write too much, and I also can’t read my own handwriting. Sort of a killer combination.
-If you were a leap year baby, born on February 29th, would you celebrate on February 28th or March 1st on non-leap years? I can see the 28th if you want to keep your birthday in February. Also licenses list February 28th for “Under 21 Until.” However, you technically haven’t turned the new age yet. You were born the day after February 28th. So March 1st probably makes more sense, but then you’re changing your birth month. What pickle. I have a friend who was born February 29th. I texted him “Happy” today, and will follow up with “Birthday” tomorrow.
-I hate these “Square” credit card payment machines. I’m seeing them more and more. They always have an “Add Tip” option on them. And it’s easy for the cashier to peer over and see what you do. See below.
Look, I’m all for tipping, but when it’s necessary. I’m a generous tipper for waiters/bartenders/food delivery, but the buck has to stop somewhere. I’m not tipping you 15% for a coffee. Let’s all make this pledge to hit “No Tip” together and end the stigma.
ICYMI: Thoughts I Tweeted This Week
-If I’m an actor, my goal is to get “with” or “and” before my name in the credits. It’s a huge honor and is only reserved for the best of the best.
-The best part about being a doctor is probably when there’s an emergency in public and someone screams “Is there a doctor here?!?” Then you say “I am” and run over looking all like a hero and shit.
-I guess I could do that, just to get that hero reaction, and then just say, “Oh this is bad. Someone call 9-1-1!” But I would still get to cherish that brief moment where people thought I was a hero.
Thank you for your time.