The White Sox have taken years off my life. Off of every White Sox fan’s lives really. And even so they’re still causing me to look like a complete asshole for 100s of 1000s of people.
Let’s walk it back. It started with this tweet after Dente got pinched at the Super Bowl:
Was I serious? Not whatsoever. You’d have to pay me a fuck ton of money to sit inside a south side of Chicago jail cell for any amount of time, let alone pay my own money for it (Dente said he wouldn’t pay any possible legal fees, etc.). But that’s not the point.
The point was to express how fucking livid I’d be if the White Sox fucked up their pursuit of Machado. Now I’ve been waiting for yesterday since the day Chris Sale got traded. I believed in their path, I took every word they said publicly and to me to heart, and truly thought they’d be in the running for Machado or Harper. I knew the money should have theoretically been there, as their payroll commitments were zero moving forward. In the end they were in the running, and put forth an offer that could have winded up being the largest in the history of American sports, but 2nd place is first loser.
But once again, they fucked it up. The fanbase is furious and yesterday it was like I watched my dog get hit by a Mack truck. And not only that? They turned me into a mouse.
So thank you, White Sox. Now here I am, googling places I can by a mouse costume to wear in the office the rest of the week, eating a wheel of cheese, all while taking a beating from 100’s of 1000’s of people on the internet. This is your fault. All you had to do was ante up just one fucking time and you failed.
Thanks a lot.