Guy Gets Sooooo High He Sees A Tiger In His Apartment...Oh Shit, That's A Tiger In His Apartment.

HOUSTONA tiger was found Monday at an abandoned southeast Houston home, according to police.

Police said the caged female tiger was found at a home in the 9400 block of East Avenue J.

The tipster said they were at the house to smoke marijuana and thought they were hallucinating when they first saw the tiger, according to police.

In a weird way…this makes sense.

I mean finding a tiger inside of your house will never make sense, but all things considered, if you’re going to come across a tiger inside of the house you’re in, this is the situation that makes the MOST sense.

The local drug house is, by far – outside of, obviously, the actual, literal zoo – the most likely location to contain a live tiger.

Unless you are:

1) The local zookeeper

2) John Ringling

3) Otto Ringling

4) Siegfried


5) Roy,

The “abandoned home for local junkies” is your #1 best bet for “live tiger.”  Those are the type of folk known to dabble in tiger ownership.  Simply playing the odds, a tiger encounter in metropolitan Houston is most likely going to come inside of a trap house.

But that’s coming from us, the rational reader, enjoying a cup of coffee at our office desk right now.

Imagine being a stoner high off your ass stumbling into your local drug den to blaze up a few more times with your buddies before heading home…and seeing a motherfucking tiger strolling down the hallway towards you?

Damn, the dealer was NOT kidding –

This IS the good shit!

And then…

Imagine blinking 200 times through the high…


Harsh buzz city.

BARC officers found the tiger on Monday. They called Houston police, who were able to secure a warrant and remove the tiger.

The tiger was tranquilized in order to move it out of the house, officials said.

Fuck the idiots who bought a god damn tiger just to lock it up in a cage and leave it for dead in a freaking dilapidated apartment building.  And, on behalf the dudes just trying to get a little high and chill out for the night, FUCK the idiots who bought a god damn tiger and left it locked up inside the dilapidated drug building to scare the poop out of everyone.

NOT cool.