Spoiler free section
I was pretty bored this weekend and had absolutely zero intentions of going out, as per usual. For whatever reason I’ve never been the type to binge Netflix in the past, but I’ve recently turned over a new leaf. It was one of my better decisions.
I scrolled through the top page on Netflix and came across the show ‘You.’ I don’t love watching trailers because they give too away much sometimes, but from twenty seconds I gathered there’s a gorgeous dream girl, a soothing voice over, murder, and romance. Sign me up, I don’t need to ask anymore questions.
The main character is this guy Joe Goldberg who is played by John Tucker’s brother in John Tucker Must Die. Everyone seems to know him from Gossip Girl, but I’m not familiar with that. The lead female is Guinevere Beck played by Elizabeth Lail. I want to marry her, but I say that about most people who can stand to have a conversation with me longer than five minutes not about the Yankees, so that doesn’t say much.
Apparently this show was originally on Lifetime, but no one watched it or took it seriously because well….it’s Lifetime. Netflix picked it up and aired it in late December. Since then it’s gained over 40 million streamers. I thought it would be more popular, but at the Super Bowl party I was stunned to find no one gave it chance. Even guys like Kmarko and Nate hadn’t seen it. I’m NEVER the first to a show, and I’m not on this one, but I’m in the first group it seems! I’m pretty much writing this blog so it feels like I’m having a conversation with someone about it.
All I can do without spoiling the show right here is say it’s one of the better first seasons of a show I’ve seen in a long time. The witty narrating by Joe pretty much explains every thought that’s racing through your head. You’re going to be uneasy about Joe at first with how he tracks people down and takes over their lives, but you will quickly relate and side with him. You’ll feel guilty because you’re rooting for the stalker/creep/murderer. Sure what he does is really bad by ethical standards, but it’s awesome and he’s a genius in his methods. You will think you can get away with murder by watching this, and you’ll want to try it. I really hope Francis doesn’t get wind of this blog.
Okay I really didn’t know how to write the above stuff without giving away anything, so sorry if there was some incidental fluff. Now we can talk in a free space. Let’s go!
You notice immediately Joe is this creepy yet incredibly smooth guy who works as a book store manager. I’m not entirely sure how he affords a NYC apartment on that salary, but hey it’s a TV show so we’re forced to just go with it. Joe is like all of us with girls, except the murdering/stalker part. If you meet someone out of nowhere and there’s the tiniest bit of spark you immediately look them up on Insta/Facebook/Twitter hoping 1) they’re single 2) not on private so you can see what is going on in their life. Beck is an idiot and has everything open to the public.
If that person you like does having a boyfriend/girlfriend or constant hook-up you can’t get rid of, you secretly want to murder that person so you have a shot, naturally. Joe believes he is the perfect guy for Beck’s life so he actually does that to this guy named Benji. You know how many times I’ve thought about making my ex’s boyfriend disappear? Practically every Insta-story, and don’t tell me I’m alone because I’m not. Would I ever do it? Well, after watching this show the odds have certainly increased.
Benji doesn’t necessarily do something horribly wrong, but he is a threat to Beck in Joe’s mind. He poisons her brain with lies to deceive her. He also was caught cheating on her and blamed it on being coked out. Joe locks him in the book store’s sound proof basement and leaves him to die. Before being poisoned to death by peanut oil (he’s gluten free) Benji unlocks his phone for Joe, giving him full access to his life. In order to make Beck pissed off and move on, Joe constantly tweets from Benji’s account.
In the very first episode Joe saves Beck’s life when she drunkenly stumbles onto the subway tracks. It’s his true opening into her life after stalking her a bit. In the process he swipes Beck’s phone and finds out she has nothing password protected. IDIOT!!! He knows exactly where she is, what she’s doing, and what she’s saying at all times. Sure is it toxic in the trust area of a relationship? 100%, but we all wish we knew this info and you’re a liar if you say otherwise.
Now I’m not going to break down every episode in chronological order, but I’m going to say I’m Team Joe as all you probably are as well.
Think of all the people he kills in the show. Benji sucked and was dragging Beck down. Peach, I mean where do I begin? There is no bigger definition of a C U Next Tuesday than Peach. First she calls Joe, Joseph all the time. That was probably enough in his mind for death, but there’s more. She tried to sabotage Beck’s writing career when she sets her up with that creep agent Roger Stevens who just wanted a quick bang in the limo. I know Joe is a creep, but he doesn’t hold a candle to that sleeze ball.
When Joe gets Peach’s laptop she discovers her password is “Beckalicious.” RED FLAG. He also finds an entire folder of Beck naked and exposed. Not cute pictures you take with your friends, nope like serial killer obsessive pictures. She had to go before she selfishly took over Beck’s life. She faked an overdose to pull Beck further away for Christ’s sake. After failing to kill her while jogging with the rock throw, Joe finally gets her at her house in Greenwich. But not before we get a little lesbian kissing scene between Beck and her because Peach is a psycho and drugged her. You could make the argument that Peach is the craziest person in this show.
Once Beck leaves because she wants to be with her boyfriend (Joe wins!) he finishes the job and frames it as a suicide.
Joe is just trying to make Peach’s life the best it can be, and he believes his starring role in it will bring it to the top. After her death the two of them became closer than ever. He was right! Sure he’s sadistic in his actions, but the show makes you side with him every time in the end. Everyone he kills is for a good reason and had it coming to them (Benji, Peach, Ron, even Beck).
We finally get Beck and Joe happily ever after for a brief moment before shit hits the fan and they break up. Joe is suspicious she’s fucking her therapist, JOHN STAMOS, and despite her denial he eventually is proven dead right. Joe is such a good guy he lets this slide because he’s all about true love. Such a romantic! Unfortunately Beck snoops around for no reason WHATSOEVER and finds Joe’s box of toys. By toys I mean Beck’s journal, her underwear, the phones of Beck, Peach, and Benji, as well as Benji’s teeth. It’s a tough scene for ole Joe to come back from and we know where this leads.
Joe does what we would all do in this spot, kidnap his girlfriend. He puts her in the basement while he thinks about how this can all work itself out. Spoiler alert: it can’t. Beck comes to grips she has to at least pretend she can blame the deaths on the therapist and live a happy stress free life with Joe, so he can let her go. Smart plan on her part, but poor execution.
Beck manages to lock Joe in the basement’s special room as she tries to escape. She’s so close to breaking free, but the little kid Paco decides to not open the basement door for her. He’s an asshole, but a loyal asshole to Joe. To Beck’s dismay he escapes the locked room with a hidden spare key. She tries to make a last ditch effort to get out, but is eventually killed by Joe. Sad!
In a perfect ending, Joe uses Beck’s written alibi for Joe to pin her death on the therapist (he deserved it). He goes to jail while Joe gets off clean. I’m not sure how season 2 is going to go with Candace (Joe’s ex who I think he tried to kill) coming back and visiting him in the book store. All I know is that Joe is the victim here clearly and he deserved a happy life with Beck, as long as you can brush aside his creepy, murderous lifestyle. He was good for her and erased all the bad people from her life. Team Joe!
Villain: Therapist John Stamos
Worst Human: Peach
Dumbest Person on Earth: Beck
Loyal Til’ The End: Paco
Clueless Moron: Ethan (how do you never ask to go down to the basement?)
P.S. This was outrageously too long, but like I said, I didn’t have anyone to really talk about this show to.