We Have an Arrest on LaserGate

SourceThe fan who shined a laser on Patriots quarterback Tom Brady during the AFC Championship Game has been identified, apprehended, banned from Arrowhead Stadium for life and soon will face charges from the Kansas City district attorney, league sources told ESPN.

After a Kansas City television station identified a fan shining a laser on Brady, Chiefs officials quickly worked to identify the fan by using videotape and eyewitnesses.

“There’s a lot of pride in Kansas City, and we and our fans thought, ‘You don’t do that here,'” one Chiefs official told ESPN.

The Kansas City police department initially wanted to cite the fan with disorderly conduct, but Chiefs officials didn’t feel those charges were strong enough and instead have been pushing for “the harshest penalty possible,” in the words of one source.

Well, OK then. Obviously right now we’re dealing with wolves that are a little closer to the wagon than something that happened two weeks ago. But that doesn’t mean that we’ve forgotten. Or that the wheels of justice should stop grinding just because Tom Brady has his almost-damaged-by-lasers, dreamy blue eyes on the prize.

Credit where credit is due to the Chiefs organization for not just looking the other way at this. Maybe it’s a quid pro quo for the Patriots banning the kid who splashed an ounce of beer at Tyreek Hill for life. Perhaps it’s Clark Hunt’s respect for Mr. Kraft. It might very well be because Andy Reid is boys with Bill Belichick and he’d like to keep their streak of making a Draft Day trade going for the 20th consecutive year. I’m not ruling out that it’s a ritual human sacrifice designed to appease the angry vengeful god that is Tom Brady. Because historically, giving him a reason to reign hellfire down upon your entire civilization has not been a good strategy.

Regardless of the why, eventually we’ll need to know this person’s name. What he did is the kind of thing that, if you shined that thing toward a passenger jet, would get you a visit from every federal agency from the FAA to Homeland Security to the Men in Black. So I want this guy exposed. I want this little laser happy bastard caught and then hung up by his Buster Browns.

But like I said, we’ve got more immediate issues to deal with. I’m just happy the Chiefs do not.