Cue the Duckboats | Championship Collection for Banner 18SHOP HERE

Advertisement

Ancient Astronaut Theorist, Jose Canseco, Says Aliens Have Been Trying To Teach Us How To Time Travel Forever

jose canseco thinker

I believe him, yo

You can say a lot of things about Jose Canseco, but you can’t say he’s a liar. At least not about steroids. Or at not about how I remember his role in steroids. Most honest guy in the game. This makes a lot of sense. As an Alien Theorist myself I’d like to co-sign on this. It ties nicely with my theory from yesterday that the Aliens we communicate with were Ancient Earthlings. Makes a lot of sense. Let’s break it down tweet by tweet

I’ve actually heard of this thing where the brain travels independent of the body. I read an article about it once and its commonly referred to as “drugs”. You just do a lot of drugs, specifically DMT, and you just travel through the space time continum inside of your own brain. Leaving your body, but not really. Very common place theory. Leave your body behind and travel through space. This was perfected by Marshall Applewhite in the 1990s.

marshall applewhite

Marshall Applewhite could not be reached for comment at this time.

(my apologies to the under 25 crowd who didn’t remember this psychopath from their childhood. Look him up)

Live look at the Federal Government:

Anytime someone throws a VERY specific and very BIG number at me it leaves me utterly paralyzed. I have to believe him. Jose has done his homework. It takes 42,651 pounds of pressure on a human skeletal structure to time travel. Oh you doubt him? Well then how many pounds of pressure do YOU think time travel puts on the human skeletal structure. I’ll wait…

You know whose body probably could withstand 42,651 pounds of pressure…

jose canseco body

My only possible objection…

The brain eats up 20-30% of all caloric energy. If the brain is detached from the body, how is the brain getting calories? Come on, Jose…think pal. Go the next step. Ask the aliens you’re talking to the next question. Follow up questions are important.

Advertisement

Yeah man, no fucking shit. They’re aliens. They’ve figured out how to time travel. Pretty sure they’re not interested in the Artificial Intelligence robot slut, Alexa, that Jeff Bezos uses to listen to you have sex with your significant other*.

Pretty lock-tight stuff from one of Baseball’s all time greats. I hope he enjoys his weekend and drugs.

*allegedly