Missouri Police Are Pleading With People To Avoid Committing Crimes During The Polar Vortex

Every few months we get a story like this on Facebook or Twitter where the police of a city kiddingly ask people to bring in any illegal drugs they may own to test for Zika or some joke relating to the local #sports team. But I am here to tell the good people of Warrensburg that they should treat this “friendly” request more like its a warning from Shooter McGavin.

That message isn’t some cops looking for some cheap Likes and weird Facebook emojis. This is a serious statement. I imagine not many cops like leaving their squad cars to chase a perp. You get sweaty, have to fill out a ton of paperwork, and oh yeah have to deal with people. Last I checked in every public facing job I ever worked, dealing with people sucks. But to have to do all that while a polar vortex freezes your skin and has your lungs burning because it feels like Night King is throat fucking you is pure misery. I don’t even want to answer my door for the delivery guy in that weather and I’m fat as shit. Besides, any criminals that want to break the law in a polar vortex probably love crime more than anything else in the world anyway and are willing to risk life and limb to do so. That’s why The Purge should only be during a Polar Vortex. It would be impossible to plan ahead for and only the true criminals would be willing to participate instead of just common men and women looking for a hall pass to commit murder.