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Barstool Apparently Needs More Original Alien Thoughts, Well Here You Go

I-am-not-saying

We’ve all have been coming here for a long time now. You know the deal on the internet. People will look for any reason to hate on Barstool. And apparently that is not limited to takes on Aliens. I was minding my business this morning and listening to Joe Rogan. I like crazy ideas and weird thoughts. That’s why I like PMT. They’re funny weird. Joe Rogan can get weird-weird. Today he had some astrophysisist on(I don’t recall his name and I don’t even really know how to spell astrophysisis) and he dropped the following fact on people

TWENTY BILLION EARTHS OUT THERE. My brain doesn’t really understand that number, but to me that means its a certainty that Aliens exist even if we haven’t found them because they’re so far away. It’s a number that blows me away so I decided to share it with the people because everyone loves Alien talk. It offended the sensabilities of one hardass of alien twitter

alien hardo

Hey man…chill out. Never said it was an original thought. There are very few original thoughts in the world…period. I’m just casually wondering where the aliens are because it feels like a statistical anonomaly because of the 200 billion stars or whatever.

This guy didn’t know what he got himself into because guess what…I do have an original alien thought, motherfucker. I watch a shit ton of Ancient Aliens and Joe Rogan. I spend a TON of time thinking of about aliens and the universe. I knew a girl once who said I shouldn’t smoke weed because I have enough “high thoughts” when I’m sober. This is one of those thoughts.

I will set the stage with a fact.

If humans completely disappeared from Earth today, in 25,000 years there would only be TWO structures on the planet left that would be recognizably man-made. Close your eyes and think about what they’d be for a second. This blog is now interactive. ALL of the buildings…Sears Tower, Eiffel Tower, every bridge, every city, every inch of pavement would be completely retaken by the Earth. Covered up by vegetation and broken down. It’s gone. The only two man-made structures left(theoretically)…

egyptian-pyramids-3

Egyptian Pyramids. You probably could’ve guessed that one. Those bad boys aren’t going anywhere. They’ll stand the test of time. If we were in a room you’d be guessing a ton of other shit. Oh Chief, is it the Great Wall of China? NOPE. Statue of Liberty? Nope, that will be under water and rusted and gone. This isn’t Planet Of The Apes. Grand Canyon? That’s not even man-made you idiot. The answer is…

mount rushmore

Mount Rushmore. Long after every human on Earth has been dead for thousands of years, ole Honest Abe, Tommy J, George Washington, and Teddy Roosevelt will be looking out over the post apocalytic hell hole. Future Ancient Alien theorists are going to suggest that this site was the center of our culture. NOPE. Just a big rock in the middle of fucking nowhere with some white guys one country liked.

Fun fact, right? Well guess what…25000 years is NOTHING in geological time. Its a snap of a finger. The Earth estimated to be 4.5 BILLION years old. The Dinosaurs…they’ve only been gone for 65 million years which also isn’t THAT long. What if…long before the dinosaurs…there were other super intelligent Earthlings? Like 200 million years ago. A Civilization that had been around for 50,000 years. An enlightened people who didn’t spend most of their technology figuring out how best to kill the other Earthlings in their Civilization. They and figured out all the shit that we never could like how to travel at the speed of light. Then they found other sweet Earth-like planets and when they saw that A.I. or some cataclysm was approaching so they just peaced out on Earth. So Aliens…are from Earth…so they’re not really Aliens. And maybe they come back every so often to check on their original home planet. So they’re both the Ancient Aliens and the modern aliens and they’re also from Earth.

tim-and-eric-mind-blown

So yeah… fuck you, guy. Put your mind in a blender in my mind. Am I high? Nope. Am I crazy? Maybe. Did I figure out the entire history of planet Earth and intersteller travel? It’s a non-zero chance. It’s an original astrophysics ancient alien thought so suck.my.dick Adolpho