The Phillies Are Expecting To Sell An "Unusually Large" Amount Of Merchandise Soon. Wonder What That Could Be About
It’s Saturday afternoon. Moments before the cover of MLB The Show is released. Bryce Harper is seen running up the Art Museum steps in Philadelphia. He gets to the top, right where Rocky stood. He takes out a bat and a ball. He tosses it up to himself and he smacks a dinger all the way down the Benjamin Franklin Parkway and it lands directly on top of City Hall. Just as the moon shot drops, the Phillie Phanatic can be seen riding his ATV up the steps–as Philadelphians often do during Eagles’ playoff runs. The Phanatic then hands Bryce Harper a Phillies jersey and a hat.
The reporters ask Bryce Harper about his decision to sign with the Phillies. Bryce just utters two words in response:
“Go Birds”
The city of Philadelphia proceeds to start building the statue. Fans buy a fuck ton of merch. The Eagles win on Sunday. There are no more rules in Philadelphia. Life is good.
Or the Phillies are just staying true to their promise of spending “stupid money” this offseason and instead of spending it on a player, they’re just spending it on a shit ton of merch. That could also very easily be the case here. But like I said yesterday, trust the man with the Darth Maul x Shrek twitter avatar more than you trust conventional wisdom and rational thinking.