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Bill Clinton Wins Father Of The Year Award

Who are you again? Did we have sex? Oh! You’re my daughter!

Politico – Former President Bill Clinton is getting props for being a good dad. Clinton was named the “Father of the Year” by the National Father’s Day Council on Wednesday. The group selected Clinton for his “profound generosity, leadership and tireless dedication to both his public office and many philanthropic organizations,” Dan Orwig, chairman of the National Father’s Day Committee, said in the announcement. The award will be presented at a luncheon in June.

Its official. Bill Clinton can do anything. Anything that is attainable by the human race, Bill Clinton can attain it. This is a man who fucked his fat intern with a cigar and came all over her dress while married and raising Chelsea as a teenage girl. And now he’s got a Father of the Year award sitting on his mantel above the fireplace. Thats like when critics said Wilt Chamberlain was a one dimensional player and could only score so he went out the next year and led the league in assists. Oh I shoot too much? Let me just go average 9 dimes a game because I can.

Thats Slick Willie. Yes I know everyone already thinks I’m top 3 coolest dudes ever. Yes I know everyone knows I crush box like JFK did. Yes, I know people want me to be President again right now. But I’m gonna go out there and prove the haters wrong and ring up a Father of the Year award. People take one look at Bill Clinton and think about a walking, talking boner and somehow he swindled the MVP of parenting. He’s unstoppable.

PS – On an unrelated note, how fancy are you if you go to “luncheons?” The award will be presented at a luncheon in June. Thats when you know you’ve become super rich. Everyone else in the world just eats lunch. You go to “luncheons.” Just so wealthy and successful that you ain’t got shit to do in the middle of the day so they make lunch into a fancy event for you and the rest of the people on your level. I think I’m gonna start having luncheons for myself. Today I ate a chipotle chicken sandwich at my Barstool New York luncheon. I was the only attendee.