Showering Vs. Brushing Your Teeth: Who Ya Got?

So this morning I had a friend ask a group text chain if you could only do one after getting out of the shower, which would you choose: Brush your teeth or clean your ears? Everyone responded with brushing your teeth so quickly, it made my head spin, which makes sense since brushing your teeth is a thousand times easier, important, and refreshing than cleaning your ears.

So I thought lets raise the stakes a bit and put brushing your teeth up against the best part of my day, showering.

Results were split down the middle as of the publishing of this blog likely because girls loathe showering due to the amount of work it takes to wash/dry their hair, shave their legs, etc. as well as Twitter polls somehow always being split down the middle no matter what the question is. Me personally? I choose showering 1000 times out of 1000 and it has nothing to do with being able to load up your mouth with gum or mouthwash. That is a false cleaning and anybody with a palate worth a damn knows that its fools gold. You also aren’t fooling yourself or anybody else if you use some baby wipes or cologne to take a (insert whatever country gets slurred these days) shower. If I leave the house without brushing my teeth, I feel like I sucked a homeless person’s dick (at least what I imagine it feels like). But if I leave the house without showering, I feel like I got fucked a homeless person then slept in their box (again, hypothetically speaking, I swear). There is something that just hangs over your head like a black cloud if you don’t shower. There’s a reason why your Sunday hangover can be cured by a shower and not a quick brushing of the teeth. And we won’t even get into the difference a freshly washed undercarriage will do for someone’s confidence. Unless you run into a bidet on a daily basis, you aren’t getting that extra pep in your step, no matter how minty fresh your breath is.

Also shout out to my former coworker Asa Akira for being the first Google (very NSFW) result for Porn Star Brushing Teeth. It’s one thing to have an award-winning asshole, but it is quite another to have an award-winning asshole as well as fantastic SEO #skillz.